This blog is about my divorce of a very smart, very rich, and very emotionally distraught girl. My ex-wife is Heidi Wagner (Hunter), Senior Director of Domestic  Tax at Qualcomm, and she does not have the ability to tell the truth about anything. I write this down to keep contemporaneous documentation and to unburden my soul.

Since we decided to split in Novemeber of 2013 she has admitted to the following:
– Having an affair 11 years ago with Don Stone (Chris), a subordinate at PwC as they traveled around the country

– Faking a pregnancy to try and get him to leave his wife

– Faking a suicide attempt to cover up the affair and blaming me for all of the problems in our marriage

– Telling me that she was going to kill herself twice while we were fighting over everything before I moved out

– Emailing his Chris’s wife Holli and telling her about the affair after he quit the firm to break up his marriage in vengeance

– Faking multiple pregnancies on me to keep me in the relationship. The last one on me was nine months before everything started going sideways

– Not loving her high school and college sweetheart for years but staying with him because she couldn’t get through college without someone taking care of her

– Faking a least one pregnancy on her high school and college sweetheart.

– Being involuntarily commited in high school

– Using drugs, alchohol, and cutting to manage the pain and guilt

– Feeling nothing most of the time and when emotions come out – anger and rage

– Destructing my career and professional relationships to improve her odds of making partner at her firm and hiding her infidelity

-Telling me the following:

  • That it was wrong to marry me but right to cheat on me
  • That she was only staying with me the last ten years of our marriage for kids and I was making more money
  • She moved down stairs because she started making more money than me
  • That she never loved me
  • That she hadn’t loved me in a decade so it was okay for her to cheat on me
  • That I was the only person who ever made her feel loved

She wrote a 30+ page book detailing her affair and what she expected to happen with her fake pregnancy on Don. She kept them on our home computer after she left the firm and I found them in November of 2013.

As a high functioning BPD/NPD my former wife neither believes she has any problems, will not admit to them when confronted, and will not seek help. She is one little waif of a manipulator and loves to punish those of us who leave her. It is amazing what money and insanity can accomplish.

5 thoughts on “About

  1. Hi there. First off, I really feel for you. This whole situation must be incredibly hard on you, I can’t imagine.

    You seem in many of your posts to care very much about the woman you are divorcing, So I can’t help but winner at your labeling her as a borderline. She is a woman who had borderline personality disorder (as you believe), but she is also more than that. I don’t mean to minimize your pain, just to bring awareness to some of the language you use. As a person with bpd myself, this is especially important to me. I also hope that you understand that people with bpd are not all the same, And while you seem to be dealing with some of the more difficult outward symptoms, many of us internalize what is having around us to the point where we prefer to hurt ourselves rather than the people we care about.
    I just hope you can remember that we are puerile and we feel very deeply.
    I wish the best for you, your children, and your wife.


    • Thanks Emily for reading and the positive thoughts. You are correct on all fronts and keeping my compassionate heart open while closing off my romantic heart (to avoid the pain) is a tough balancing act. In the end I could not imagine the loneliness, self loathing, and abuse she has suffered through. I hope she finds a way out of the abyss. I wish I could help her through it, but that’s something she has to decide to do. Thanks again for helping me keep the right mindset and best of luck to you and yours!

      Liked by 2 people

  2. John,
    I am the new wife of a man with a BPD ex and we share a 6 year old. I have been with my husband for 3 years and went through a horrific custody battle. We won but the constant harassment from his ex is exhausting. It’s always something. We have many rules in place by the courts but she breaks whatever reason she wants. She faked several pregnancies which was absurd since my husband and I were together and he was not with her. She cheeted on him with multiple people. She stalked me and had me followed. She has put nails in tires of my cars. She harasses me non stop over email. Basically she keeps me thin because I can’t eat from the stress.
    My husband is wonderful and supportive and we don’t engage with her until she puts us in a corner.
    I feel for you. I hope you have the toughest lawyer ever! I have an aunt with BPD and she actually is to blame for her former husband’s (my mothers brother) death.
    Stay strong. Stay tough. And don’t let crazy win!


    • Thanks! Nothing ever truly ends once you get out. I’m just trying to find a place of peace and move on. I hope you get there as well, and get some good cameras in place so the next time she flattens your tires you have the evidence.


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