7/7/13 – She Kicked Me Out

I pissed Hunter off enough that she is divorcing me. I knew I pushed her too hard to talk about things, and as usual she flipped out. I am pretty sure she means it – she has never kicked me out before or talked about divorce. I know she doesn’t understand what it means financially or effort wise. I don’t think she realizes what she will pay in alimony and not get in support. She doesn’t seem to realize how much more she makes and the state doesn’t care if you are a man or woman – the calculators are as they are.

She says she is giving me a gift by making me leave to find someone else who will love the way I need it. She just doesn’t want to admit she is a cheat. So stupid to let so much go because she is too proud to say I am sorry. I can’t see ever dating anyone ever again who I could fall in love with. I know I dream of a fairy tale marriage – I know it doesn’t exist.

The other side is it killed me to say goodnight to the kids over the phone. At least she was civil. Son seemed pretty sad – he hears what’s going on but is trying to process it with his age. Daughter has no clue, but she’s two. Hunter seemed hard and just wanting to get it over with. I am trying not to text her so I am writing in this per my sisters instruction.

Sister was great – very supportive. A bit aggressive with the advice on split custody, but she is looking out for me. Sad to see how few people outside of her work like her. Sister wondered if Hunter was seeing someone now. I don’t think so, she’s not happy enough. Based on Chris, she got very happy, very sexual, just never around and always willing to fight. Right now she seems too pissed off at anything to be happy or in love with anyone.

Hunter thinks its inevitable, but I stupidly hope we can find a way forward. Maybe a part-time marriage where she is faithful might work. She seems open to it a little bit; she may get more open to it when she realizes what she would owe me if I took the kids 50/50. That financial cost would throw her over the deep end. Maybe a few months away will do us some good. I hope and pray so!

God make it work it out please – even if I need to scale back my expectations.

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