Gym – church – park. Hunter was upset most of the time. Not sure if it was the night before, the upcoming counseling, or the fact the sermon was on the 10 commandments. Most of which she broke with Chris. If she is honest with herself she has a lot to make up for. She had no forgiveness for me or apologies. Not sure if she is mature enough for things like that.
We spent the evening on the coach with each other. Nothing heartwarming.
Our counselor seems nice. Had some good, practical advice. Hunter did not say much other than she is doing this so she can tell the kids she tried everything before we divorce. Even Kathy heard the truth in her words. Not sure Hunter gets what a divorce will be like. She acts like we split the assets – I pay support to cover her costs and she lives like there has been no change other than free weekends to fuck other guys. So foolish. I hope that God does right by us, or helps me walk away without bankrupting me when I am older. I am sure Hunter will be set for retirement at QCOM and her next husband will get the benefit while I will end up living with my sister to have enough for a sandwich. She will replace me with some dbag who she will fuck all the time right in the beginning, and by the time she is 45 she will end up doing the same thing to him that she has been doing for me the last few years. She will never have a wonderful life-long love since she is unwilling to work on things. I hope I can find love again – hopefully with Hunter. Even the kids deserve it.
So for the next two weeks we have agreed to not talk about what our future relationship will be like – no sex – thanking each other for doing nice things – trying to do the kind things we did for each other – and writing down what are expectations are for our relationship in the future is and what we will do to make that happen.
Interesting quote at the sermon I need to keep in mind: Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.” I hope God can help me to follow my head, and put my faith in him for the future instead of following my heart…