11/30/13 – Hating Her As Requested

Not proud of my 3:30 rant, but she wanted me to hate her. She needs to start looking at being human again before I take control of this and make it tough on everyone. I know she is baiting me to get a harassment suit, but I don’t think she is stupid enough to try that. She knows she has done too much to me and lied about it. She would not make a creditable witness. Then I would pull out the QCOM lying she did and the “retard” and the “duct tape” comments and she is screwed. I doubt she would get anything other than supervised visitation. I do need to stop the conversations – she is probably taping them. It’s unfortunate it has to come down like this but she is a psycho. Wish God had helped me out earlier – learned lesson: pass on Glenn Close no matter how good the sex is.

Talked with my sis at 9am – another set of great advice: make a list of things she needs to do, split up Christmas, and give deadlines. I also found the journaling I was doing in July that has her name calling and threatening on it. Time to fight fire with fire if necessary. Like my attorney and my sister said – you need to fight a bully with strength and I have spent too much time trying to make things nice between us. Time to start fighting for the kids and the money to support them. Gosh I love that little girl, and Son is starting to really rock.

Playing with kids while she is getting her hair done then swim lessons. Son has gotten comfortable climbing in the elevation. Daughter loves to play sports although she does not have the coordination that Son had at that age.  It is nice to see how I have mellowed through out the years.  I wished Hunter had been able to do the same.

Swim lessons were nice.  I spent some time talking to another mom who works in Irvine and lives in Carlsbad. Nice older lady and amazing blue/green eyes. Not that I am attracted to he but they were very cool.

Afterwards we went to Chick-fil-A. Things went well except for the last few minutes where daughter spilled some lemonade for attention and Hunter went off again. I am sure it did not help that Son had a meltdown when changing at the YMCA.  That public embarrassment really hits her in the biggest fearscape. Son has had a bad day all day so far, but he has been using his comping skills on several occasions.. Hopefully, we get him back on the routine to mellow him out.

Then came the Xmas lights on the house. This is the miserable shit I put up with for 16 years. Her being an absolute nightmare because things are not exactly what she wants, although she is not quite sure of what she wants, and she won’t take my ideas. A half-hour on the stairs sweating as I readjust the lights multiple times and she still doesn’t say a kind word. Not thanks – good job – the kids will like it.  Not a thanks for doing that I think we need to ….  Showing appreciation is common courtesy.  It’s like me still asking if I can get her anything when she is not feeling well, or clearing her plate for her at dinner.  Not a single word of thanks. She just lacks common courtesy. She knows when to say thank you for dinner, and when to give gift cards to teachers, but that’s it. How do you live without gratitude? I spent way too long being scared and introverted because she was ashamed of me because I didn’t measure up to the godlike symbol of Chris in her mind. She is so foolish, and will always feel alone until the next idiot gets stuck on her sex life unless she is too embarrassed by her body to open up. But then that is why she always ending up drinking too much…

Iron Bowl living up to the hype!  What an fucking ending!

Son wrote a letter to Santa Claus today and walked it over to the mailbox and mailed it all by himself. Pretty cool since that would require him to cross the street all by himself which isn’t in character. We all walked with him to show us and he mentioned that he didn’t put a stamp on it then again there was no envelope also :). So proud of the strides that kid has done in the last year. Today has been a tough day for him, but he has used his calming techniques a couple of times without prompting and it was working. So proud of that kid.

Daughter on the other hand is now developing a lot of bad habits due to the stress in the house, the way Hunter parents, and the things she learns from Son. A couple of good years of parenting away from Hunter and she should be good to go.

USC game – Round Table Pizza – and kids getting in trouble in the other room watching Elf. Hunter yelling at the kids until she just stopped being involved after dinner.  She just sat in the chair and drank her Mike’s Hard Lemonade until 7:30. Then she just put daughter to bed. She and I need a good night sleep. I still feel bad about last night but with all the horrible, disgusting lies she has told this summer and fall – how much she has played off my emotions and broken my heart again just to cover up the horrendous things she did in the past and an attempt to rip me off in the divorce I am having a hard time caring. She made the hell she is in – I apologized – she never apologized for lies and deceit and all the horrible things she said about me. I am beginning not to care. She seems to lack empathy and tomorrow we are going to talk about the divorce or she is going to get served soon. I am tired of this non-sense.

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