12/2/13 – Cheating Whore, Cheating Whore

Got up at 2:30 this morning. Couldn’t go back to sleep so I started working around 3am. Fed the cats at 4:30 because Hunter couldn’t bother with it again. Of course I am talking to the cats while feeding them about this whole mess we are in and she is ease dropping. I don’t know this until I find her awake on her phone. She starts yelling at me in front of Son who slept downstairs. Of course she starts screaming at him to get out – calling me a jack ass, f’n loser, “your 15 years what about mine”. She keeps going on about “he won’t say it so I will “cheating whore, cheating whore'” in a sing-songy way. Then she goes off about me verbally abusing her. She says it not me calling her a whore and after eavesdropping on me and I am the bad guy. She won’t close her door and when I ask her to tell when she is listening to me so that I can stop she tells me she shouldn’t have to. Of course she is calling me a jack-ass, poor loser, fat piece of shit at the top of her lungs so Son can hear, but when I talk in a whisper to the cats all by myself she is being verbally abused.

She is lost and not thinking correctly because she hasn’t slept. I’m not tying to wake her just feed the cats since she won’t, but she can lie to me tell me she loves me, tell she never loved me, call me a loser, fat, not-a-man, that she only stayed with me because she didn’t want to be alone, and she only had kids with me because she didn’t want to spend the time to find someone else while her soul mate is now married to another “trailer park blonde bimbo” and that’s ok. I’m not supposed to be hurt. She obviously doesn’t have an empathetic bone in her body.

All I want is out and she refuses to leave or move forward with the divorce. She is crazy – after what she was yelling I don’t think I can wait to file. If she actually thinks me asking what she is up to is verbally harassing her this is going to get ugly quick. She doesn’t see how she treats everyone. Right now the kids are up stairs watching Disney channel while she rants and raves downstairs of what a loser I am and thankfully the kids are not paying attention.

Now she is just leaving for work yelling at the kids for not saying goodbye and caring more about the tv. I have to beg to stop her from leaving and get the kids downstairs because she doesn’t care about anyone other than herself and her job. She is upset so leave. She is upset so through a fit. She is upset so lie, cheat, steal. She ruins everything and blames me. She doesn’t love me anymore because she did wrong by me. She still loves Patrick and Chris because she didn’t see the damage she did to them. She was busy being consoled by me. I am sure I will no longer be the second great love of her life in her book; I’m just the train wreck she blame shifts to me because to accept responsibility for this mess will mind fuck anyone.

Got back from dropping off daughter after waiting around for Son pick-up and went back to our computer to try and fix it. I guess whatever Hunter did no longer allows the computer access to the internet. I don’t understand why she destroys things. All she had to do was delete the files and clean the recycle bin but no she has to destroy internet access as well.

Plus why does she eavesdrop on me all the time. Why can’t she just say I am awake and can hear you so I will shut up or go outside? I’m not talking to her so why does she listen. No. She has to open the door, listen, then go ape shit because I don’t actually say all the mean things she expects me to so she starts screaming them herself. The whole “he won’t say it so I will ‘cheating whore, cheating whore'” in that sing-songy voice just makes no sense. I get she hates herself but to get pissed off because I don’t actually say it makes no sense. All this could have been avoided if she had just filed like she said she would instead of telling me she had been in-love with me again a few times this summer.

She is delusional and now I am worried this is going to get expensive and ugly. I guess $50k for my children will be worth the money. Hopefully, my attorney can get some of the money from Hunter before she commits perjury to try and get me out of the house. She is just like her uncle’s wife who lied and said her uncle sexually abused the kids to try and get more money. People are crazy. It’s going to be a long year.

I spoke to her briefly after getting my stitches out. My doc prescribed me some meds to get to sleep – things are getting that bad. Anyways, I told her that things were not good with us right now and I don’t think things are going to get better. The fact she said harassment for the third time has made me uncomfortable with the situation and I want to get out as soon as possible. Now she says she isn’t filing anything and what about mediation. I told her to call the woman and see, but to continue to work on her thoughts for visitation. Her text said the first opening the attoney had was two weeks from now. That is too long. I told her to keep working on her thoughts and send me the spreadsheet. We will see what happens – I’m just too tired to play games anymore.

The spreadsheet was mom friendly as expected. If she is open and flexible we can wrap this up this week. All I am asking for is an extra day during the summer when they are not in school, video conferencing every school day they are not with me, alternating holidays and vacation weeks for everyone, as well as alternating weekends as she requested. Everything but the extra day during the summer is what she wanted but since she did not design it I am sure she will balk at it.

Too tired to talk so I am going to email her my comments tomorrow.

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