Today was a long day. Not much fighting but a lot of talking with God this evening.
It started out with our travel to The Old Globe Theater to see The Grinch Stole Christmas autism special edition. What a great time. Exceptional production. They didn’t take things too seriously and added in a lot of off script jokes (Selena Gomez / Phillip Rivers) and an ad lib where the Grinch sits on a present that has another actor laughing on stage. Fun to see a production where the actors feel comfortable enough to play around to entertain the adults where the kids still enjoy it.
Of course, by the end Son is over stimulated and wants to leave first and throws a fit once outside and Hunter dumps him on me. I need to go to the restroom and he starts running away. When I finally wrangle him up after chasing him for 15 minutes I assume he’s in the bathroom but when I go in and use the facility he’s gone.
I come outside and Hunter and Piper needs to use it so I fight with on to sit at a table. For my calm patient and option infused negotiations I get him telling me that he his going to take away my wife, that she doesn’t love me – doesn’t like me – and is going to make me leave the house. Of course I am upset but I stay silent instead.
When we get home Hunteris upset at me being upset so I tell her why. This upsets her as well. I try and comfortable but that makes her uncomfortable.
We worked well together for the Xmas light revisions. Wasn’t hard I just did what she told me and kept me mouth shut. It’s the only way to deal with her around the house. Be nice around the house and mean at the divorce to get what I want.
After nap time we went to Stage Coach park which wasn’t that great until we went to the rock formations next to the old adobe home. Son an I played tag (with Piper) and had a great time. It’s fun being thinner and in better shape to do those things. To jump around and do cool tricks on the rocks. It’s like being a kid again. Hunter watched but did not participate. That’s “not what she does.” Yeah – she doesn’t get involved in things like life. She’s waiting for her soul mate to come and take her away from all of this. Little does she know she doesn’t have a soul so there is no mate out there for her. Who cares – it was a great time and great memory and that because she wasn’t involved to bitch about anything.
Yeah she thinks I’m causing the stress I’m Jekyl & Hyde. She has no clue how to live with a cheating whore who lies all the time an could care less about being loving kind or pleasant. It’s funny to see when we go to Garcia’s how they are greet me and say hello and just ask Hunter where she wants to sit. I see what others see and now I need to turn my heart and focus on the right things. Health, children, work. I hope Hunter gets God’s vision and gives up daughter and takes Son and we can both get on with our lives :).
At dinner she yells at Son for not being appreciated about going out to eat (Counter) because he wanted Casa De Bandini. Then she yells at daughter for not eating the apple sauce cleanly. I ask her what’s the problem.
I asked her why she was uncomfortable with kissing me. Was it a in-time thing or permanent thing. Permanent.
We talked later in the evening and @its written in stone” she will never have sex with me again.
– what’s the difference between now and August or February?
– I can’t explain it to you.
– so snuggle is just to placate me and make it calmer around her, or let’s see if I can get comfortable with that and them see if I can get comfortable with more.
– mostly the former
– ok – that’s the language that gets me. Is it mostly or only.
– this is upsetting me so I am going downstairs.
Only is the answer. I am sure I could get to a place where we stopped talking about the past – do date nights – and bam we are back to crappy sex. She just doesn’t want to admit to anything more. It’s. Definitely time to move on.
I spoke with God a lot and the idea of splitting the kids came up again. I think that is what God wants. I’ve gotten the vision several times. It is tough on me since I’m away from the family, but they would take care of Son and Hunter.
I told Hunter my thoughts and she started to cry and asked me to leave. I’m guessing part of her knows its true. We will see tomorrow. What a scary opportunity it would be for us to start to a new life :)!