Morning went poorly – woke up late. Hunter’s new rules on tv for the kids means no tv with the kids in the morning. Just up, bathroom, teeth, clothes and breakfast then tv. I guess that’s ok I shouldn’t be there anyways. I need to be in the gym or at work. Anyways played Wii while waiting for Son’s ride.
I kissed her this morning and she winced. Not the same as the night before. I should hold off on that for a few. Or at least not do it in the morning – just at night after the kids are in bed and she has had we drink.
Saw a woman at lunch today sitting with a man. Both dressed in business attire and she looked familiar. Probably in her mid 40’s. She was either being dumped or fired. He kept his keys on the table. She never looked him in the eye. When the waiter came and asked if they were ready said God yes, but did not eat almost any of her soup & sandwich combo. They finished quickly – I don’t remember if he are at all – and left in a hurry. She was unhappy the entire time and he was stoic. It reminder me of what I think my life will become. A constant struggle to bring in new business and find a life partner that will most likely never happen as I will be struggling to make ends meet.
This all started after I took a look at the firm value after debt and Hunter’s spreadsheet with the home FMV in it. She doesn’t have the money or assets to buy me out and she is going to flip. No use in dreaming about friends with benefits – she is going to go to war on this. Maybe she will become my wife again – easier than breaking up the family maybe.
I am so mixed up. Trapping her for money and security is exacting what she did to me and that’s all I really want out of life with regular lousy sex. Maybe I am as screwed up as her. Maybe I just really depressed. I could sleep right now until morning and forget the whole world for a while.
Finished the draft of the parent plan again and sent it off. Let her know that she could postpone the attorney date if she wanted. I’m just emotionally worn out. That woman in the restaurant just devastated me. Don’t know how long this will last but it is getting to me. I’m so tired. Maybe it’s the lack of Nuvigil today. Maybe I’m just depressed that things have all gone so terribly wrong. I’m going to meditate and then go pick up my daughter and see if she can bring back my smile.
Crappy meditation. Pizza for dinner. Son is out of control tonight. Filled out OKCupid. Not sure how I will like it, but if it takes my mind off things…