12/19/13 – She Doesn’t Want To Be Alone

Simple tasks and Hunter is yelling at the kids about tv again. I guess no tv for them until they are ready for school. It’s not a bad thing, but it does take away my hangout time with the kids. She has already gotten son to stop coming in my room and going down stairs. I’m guessing that will be the same once daughter isn’t allowed tv either. Fuck her – I’ll go work out and do some work. Didn’t hug her today – guessing she wondered why but she was also in a shitbag mood so why bother. Just an ass to the left hug. When she stops being a bitch I will play nice but until then it’s my own life. I know she will be glad to be rid of me, but I know she will hate herself for fucking up the only real relationship she had for some dbag soulmate and hate herself for the most disgusting things she did including the email. I hope I can get a copy that would be awesome to show her after the divorce if it gets there. I’m guessing she will hold off until right before the appointment then tell me she cancelled it. Must be why I already sent the stuff to Lesa. I don’t think Hunter gets it yet.

Liane didn’t write back yet – what a fn stalker I am. Maybe I have issues to work in first. Hunter seems to find guy to fuck anytime, but I can’t seem to find one to talk to. Obviously she uses her body for friends and I’m trying to have a relationship. Stupid me – time to start finding things to do with my time.

I guess I spoke too soon. Holli Smith just accepted my LinkedIn request. This summer is going to be interesting.

Had the holiday party – the food was great but not my conversation. Head is all over the place with Hunter not texting me back or L not msg me back. I am fucked in the head and there is a mound of traffic to go home through. And I have a headache from trying to crack my neck too much today.

Need to apologize to Jeremy – I think he took me too seriously. Dude is more fragile than me.

What a serious fucking bitch!!! I show a little distance and she starts being all upset about it and crying “I’m a nice person” because she is giving gifts to Sons teachers. So I have to hug her and snuggle so that she feels good about herself but then I ask what’s going on with us and

– we are watching tv

– bigger picture

– why do you want me to hurt you

– why can’t you be honest

– I don’t feel a connection with you anymore

– fine how long

– I don’t know

– fine but why do you want snuggle and have me around? I can be upstairs and still make the house quiet.

– no one wants to be alone

– so this is all about you not being alone

– what do you want to be

– happy peaceful joyous

– how are you going to get it

– I don’t know

– have you ever had it

– for small amounts of time but in general no

– I get it with him you had a great life but it wasn’t real

– silence

– so how are you going to handle things when I’m not around?

– I’ll be alone

– and you will date a bunch of guys to find love

– I don’t want that

– why not

– I don’t believe in it

I think she is still in live with Chris and thinks she will never find anyone since he was him soul mate and things didn’t work out with me (the next lesser thing) she is probably right she doesn’t deserve it.

Short of it – she is going to be lonely a lot this holiday season. Fuck her!

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