12/20/13 – Ben Thinks – Borderline Personality Disorder

Ok – this was one f’d up day. I was able to get a little work done. Saw Ben and I talked a lot – he suggested a book to read to understand Hunter. He thinks he is borderline personality disorder. Probably true before kids. I’m guessing when I leave she will loose it. The books title – I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me. Yeah that totally fits. He also told me that he guessed if I shut up and just hung out with her not mentioning that past or pissing her off we would be having sex and staying married in six months. But we both agreed it would be living a lie and is that what I really want? He was also proud of me going on the dating site – me moving on.

We fought this morning. Again with distance we fight. Without it we don’t. It makes her feel better to get it and I have to be the one to ask for it.

She said she would never have sex with me again. I’m going to take that as a challenge. We snuggled in her bed withy hand on her ass most of the time. She doesn’t like it initially but acquiesces mainly because it makes her feel loved and appreciated. It’s going to be an interesting few weeks.

Liane wrote me back and I sent her another msg tonight. I’m guessing she has a lot of guys she is talking with on the site. She knows the game really well. It is nice to learn from her. I may still pay the $20 for the eBook I saw and see how it works on a different dating site. Right now I am just comfortable with msg – not live but if things keep moving I can see getting coffee with Liane when her husband has her son the second week of vacation.

Need to start working out again. Need to refocus the efforts before shit goes sideways. Also need to get some work done before Monday so must of it is completed for just me signature.

Hunter flipped out after dinner again. Mostly me pushing the hugging and snuggling. She doesn’t get it. She can’t flirt with me and then get mad when I hug her and grab her ass. She can’t put head on my chest in exhaustion and not expect me to hug her. Then she flips out.

She ripped daughter a new one again. I ended up talking her out of crying herself to sleep again. I think I got it on tape and will load it up on today’s blog for prosperity sake. I need to keep getting the data to get my daughter away from her and Son.

Now it’s reading the BPD book and see what it’s like. So far the first few pages describes her to a T right now – stressed, angry, moody, snaps on a dime, trouble sleeping, appetite, sex drive, and energy all gone. The only thing she seems to have time and energy for is work and the divorce documents which she again has lied on (as I saw them today in the truck and she threw away the memory book – she is definitely done – things did change a month ago for her). Eventually the courts and her separate attorney will make the changes on her behalf and start getting her to cut me checks.

I’m thinking about giving myself a $1k for Xmas gifts to myself – a guitar, Tony Robbins online, and some clothes. I should I have the money but I feel cheep…need to keep thinking good thoughts.

Blackbird by the Beatles keeps replaying in my car and head. Great song – thank you Jen!

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