1/14/14 – She Can’t Do This

Got up somewhat early and got to work before 7am. Just need to make sure I start working out and not hitting the snooze.

A little depressed at work today. Just don’t want to go through with the divorce right now. I don’t want to go through the effort of busy season. I desperately need a sabbatical from life right now and will not get it. I hope my creator has some green pastures and still waters waiting for me somewhere because I am desperate to have my soul refreshed and restored.

Work finished up well – got some good things accomplished for Client and various extensions signed and mailed out the door.

Drive home and was a bit melancholy over moving out. I called USAA and changed over the insurance (they made me) to get renters insurance on the apartment. They had to call Hunter to verify the info (which they did). Which pissed her off and I got a direct (not rude) text regarding when I was moving out since I had not been specific. So I called after my lunch and told her I was taking possession of the apartment Saturday and planned on slowly moving things over on Sunday. The first thing she asked about was her hair appointment and I assured her I would still watch the kids for her hair appointment and planned on making swim lessons.

I got home around 7, and she was in a foul mood with having to help Son with his homework (which I totally get). Also things were frustrating for her at work which doesn’t help.

Of course bath time is a nightmare. Son is playing at the top of his lungs and I’m trying to read Daughter a story and Hunter starts screaming at him to shut up and slams both him and Daughters door and the bathroom door.

After the story Daughter and I come out and Hunter is on her phone siting on the floor. Not sure if it’s work or something else but she constantly is adjusting the screen so that I am unable to see anything. I tell her to come sit by me and relax and I lay her down and kiss her and she just losses it – crazy like. She is laughing uncontrollably, crying at the same time, she is mimicking the sounds Son is making and then the two of them start doing this noise dance back and forth thing. All the time she is laughing and tearing up. She finally gets up and says “I don’t know why I thought I could do this. Even with an industry job I can’t do this.” And walks off for a little bit.

After the kids are in bed she asks for toe time and I am texting L and Jason.

Around 9 or so I get tired and go upstairs. I kneel down at the foot of the couch and hug and kiss Hunter and ask if she is ok. She says she’s fine but won’t look me in the eye anymore. I say goodnight and she doesn’t answer back. I’m guessing she is starting to come to term with reality as she emails me job listings.

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