1/20/14 – He Means Nothing To Me

Long night last night. Hunter hung out upstairs last night but did her x-word puzzle and then left when I was asleep. Didn’t wake me up to say goodnight. That just pissed me off and I ranted and raved till midnight. I hope she didn’t hear. I wasn’t overly nice but not truly mean. We’ve been getting along and I don’t want to derail it. I know she was just trying to be nice and not wake me but that was the old me not me now.

Spent the morning watching Justified and then spent the midday getting the bedroom furniture delivered. It looks nice but the apartment needs a little cleaning.

Hunter got pissed tonight when I told her I took some sheets and the toilet paper holder from the upstairs bathroom. I’m not sure if she was pissed about me taking what she likes or the fact that it is really happening. Only time will tell.

She had work to do so I am upstairs tonight giving her time and quiet downstairs.

Did some work tonight.

Sent out some messages online tonight. I could easily just use a pen pal for now. I don’t think I’m ready for much else and certainly won’t have a lot of time for a couple of months but I would like to just get out there instead of always in house. Especially since I’m sure Hunter is dating or online or something which is why she is hiding the emails. That or it’s an attorney but that seems like a long shot. The email I think she was hiding was from a guy that started with a D. She is certainly up to something – I just wish she would be honest and upfront about it. It would be better for everyone and especially her soul. The constant lying and deception is killing her…

She comes up after working downstairs and hangs out watching bravo. Yeah Vanderpump so everyone is a cheating whore like her. She is still angry over the sheets. We talk and I tell her she could go to Seattle I’d watch the kids. Then it’s Chris means nothing.

– he was your soulmate. Maybe he and Geraldine are getting divorced and you have a Sliding Doors thing going on.

– he means nothing to me. That was so long ago.

– we are here because of him. You feel in love with him and spent a decade debasing and belittling me because I wasn’t good enough for you and your god like Chris.

– stop with that stuff. What I wrote doesn’t matter.

– he was your soulmate go find your happiness.

Then talk about her and boyfriends – her crying since she doesn’t have time for a boyfriend or any friends. She still clueless about her phrase about not having time meaning she would if she could find time to cheat without me knowing. What a stupid whore. Of course now she has all these appointments for PTA and hair etc. I’m guessing she has time to fuck people who aren’t her husband again.

She goes on about how she wants to not be angry, or hate anymore which is why she wants a divorce. I tell her it doesn’t change with me leaving.

She just needs help and it will only get worse when I am gone. God help us all.

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