2/9/14 – Stress Relief

So she finally did it.  I finally broke and gave her the kids.  Just too much drama, lies, and manipulation for me.  She just can’t seem to help herself in finding ways to try and keep me close but not too close unless I drop all of the sex and unwillingness to forgive.  I’m not sure how much she even understands what she is doing and how wrong it is, but I am guessing that she is going to living in a world of hell soon.  At least more of one than she has been living in by hating herself for what she did with Chris / to Chris and his wife (although I don’t think she gives a shit about his wife since she is just an EA) only hates what she did to Chris because it didn’t work.

So Friday I see Ben and talk about how messed up I am.  I spend all the time at her house (the now million dollar mansion according to the valuation down the street) and hugging and kissing her, and wanting to be around her and she eats it up.  He tells me what I already know that she is manipulating me so that she is not alone. I talk about how Wednesday after her meeting she talks with me for over 45 minutes about everything at the meeting.  I leave without a hug or kiss and she texts me a question before I get home.

I talk about how I call her out on about Friday and she goes on about how she doesn’t know why I want to but she does know that it is a date and that she doesn’t want to just go because she doesn’t have anything better to do…what a nightmare.

Friday I have a call and take it upstairs, but she keeps calling and texting me about what my plans are and her movie night and if the call isn’t going to take long why don’t we all go to Garcia’s?  So I make it happen and the kids have movie night before dinner.  FYI bad idea the kids are wound up after the movie…I also call her out on the jewelry at dinner.  She is not happy that I caught her wearing the jewelry I bought her to work, but she takes it off around me to try and use that emotional grip on me to keep me around.  No more lies that way.

After the kids are in bed we watch Top Chef finale and then I say we go upstairs and snuggle / watch the opening ceremonies.   I start snuggling and kissing her and massaging her and then she flips out about “is this all you want.”  Like she doesn’t know this is part of our routine.  She wants me around but no sex just hand jobs until “she decides she is comfortable.”  Or “she feels I have forgiven her.”  At one point she pulls off her pajama bottoms turns around and says “here you go.  There’s my ass jack off all you want.”  Needless to say I get upset.

– Why do you have to be that way?

– What way?

– You know that its not that way with me.  I am not sure about all your friends with benefits, but you know I don’t treat you that way.

– I just want to go to sleep.

– Fine.  I just want us to be close.

She jacks me off. No touching the boobs!  We snuggle and watch a little more of the opening ceremonies and go to sleep.

Saturday is swim, work, play with daughter while son is at Pinto.  After nap (Hunter and I sleep next to each other) and movie we all end up playing make believe baseball in the backyard with son.  What a wonderful family moment.  And all I can think of is this would have been a wonderful life is she hadn’t of fucked around on me.  Or if she would take the time to forgive me and fall in love with me again like I did her.  Or if she could fall in love with anyone because she openly admits that she doesn’t really love anyone, much less herself.  Or if she could just let me go or at least make up for the fact that she used for for 11 years to pay the bills because “she didn’t want to take the time away from work to find someone else.”  Which makes sense now that she makes almost $400K she divorces me because she doesn’t need me anymore.  Unfortunately, its these thoughts that kill me emotionally.  There was a wonderful life available to all us that she destroyed because I was overweight and didn’t have a job for three months.  How stupid must she feel knowing that at this point I am the thinnest, best looking, and highest paid of the three of her boys.

I know it is killing her to think that she will be 39 in a month and feels she can’t really date.  I know she is constantly looking to get less than 98 pounds and has started to do weights and squats to improve her ass in anticipation of dating.  I know she doesn’t know what it’s like to be alone and single which is why she cheats and I am starting to guess she has found someone again.  All of her texting at lunch today (keeping her phone on the picnic table) and when I called her out on the text she got she flew into a rage.  I have started to hammer on it because at some point in time its going to come out if she really is seeing someone.  I just can’t see it because I am not there anymore and she always deletes the text she gets ASAP.

Well we go to the movies, but before we go she has to go to the store.  I text her about getting me some dish washing detergent and she blows it off.  She takes 45 to get back (and unless she is seeing someone at the store) it is a rushed job.  Then again why not do it on Saturday night or Wednesday night.  She must hate to leave the house or she is meeting someone at that time – but I still don’t feel her cheating on me vibe.  Just a lot of paranoia and her traditional use of subterfuge to keep me off balance.  She could easily be texting her sister in law about getting the kids together or someone at work.  She could also be starting a text relationship from someone she met online but it doesn’t feel that way.  It feels more like she is talking shit about me to her family and trying not to get caught and since it keeps me on edge she enjoys the unsteadiness and drama.

At the movie we are early since the show we wanted to see was sold out.  We walk around the building a few times to take up some time, and I saw her check her phone and once look at the text messages.

It frustrates me to see her now using daughter against me.  When I was home she blew off daughter and was always taking care of son.  Now that she knows I want to take daughter away from her insanity and sons issues she always holds her hand in the parking lot.  At the park I started off watching her and Hunter watched Son and less than 10 minutes later Hunter has walked son over back to the little kids playground and walked away with daughter.  Of course when she sees that she has pissed me off she says its “random” how it worked out that way.

In the the theater before the movie I see her pull out her phone and delete a text message.  I am assuming the one she got at the park.  And its not her just the one delete but the entire conversation if there was one which means it wasn’t she wanted to get caught with.

Hunter brought candy into the theater for everyone which was nice, but I see why she did it.  Son wants to sit next to her so daughter sits next to me and Hunter and I are on the ends.  Halfway through the movie daughter has finished her candy and lemonade and goes to mom for more candy.  Hunter picks her up and has son move over so he right next to her and she spends the next 45 minutes wrapping her arms around daughter and son and I think she has never done this before.  She is obviously manipulating the situation to make the most impact on me.

And then that’s it for me.  I’m done.  I can’t take this psychotic shit anymore.  I don’t say a word to anyone on the way home.  Hunter knows she has gone too far and tells daughter to hold my hand down the stairs when she has asked for hers.  I tell her no she asked for you. When we get home I say goodnight to the kids.  On the way out I tell Hunter I’m done fighting.  She says she didn’t realize we were fighting.  I tell her that she doesn’t ask for child support, I won’t ask for alimony, and she can have full custody of the kids and she will get her wish of never having to deal with me again.  Her secret indiscretion will die with me.

She texts me before I get home about how she just got the text (which is an absolute lie – which is why I am guessing she paid for the movie – she only pays for things when she feels guilty) and that she will get me the stuff next time she is at the store and the kids want to say goodnight – is that OK?

I don’t respond.  She tries to FaceTime me and I am ignore.  She calls and I ignore.  Son leaves a message that says mom said you don’t want to talk to us but I want to say goodnight and I hope to see you Wednesday and this next weekend.  She is obviously manipulating the kids.

I don’t know if I will follow through with things but I do not plan on talking to anyone for a while. She has a PTA meeting on Wednesday that she needs me for so I am sure she will be in a panic with me not talking to her or the kids for the next couple of days but she has finally crossed the line.

I asked her to get my passport and PADI book. I am sure she is starting to get the picture that I am more than capable of leaving the country and not coming back for a decade.  She better watch her step or she will be left with nothing but this blog and her life story of lies, cheating, usury, and treachery left for everyone to see and read for eternity.

I am starting to think that I will end up punishing her for the rest of my life and I don’t want to do that, but I think there is a part of her that wants to be punished and I am her only jailer. She is going to live a very sad and lonely life even with her next husband who will eventually become the same as the rest of us – the guy who just didn’t turn out to be her soul mate and Chris will always be that way since he is the only one that dumper her.  Or because they are both pieces of shit cheating whores who fuck up other people’s lives because they think the world doesn’t apply to them.  Guess I will make my way up to Seattle before heading the Ireland than the Caribbean – Bermuda.  I think I owe him and his wife a visit…

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