2/16/14 – My Hand Down Her Pants

So today was horrible. Got up and went to church. Church was about relationships and she was pissed off afterwards. Ruined the shopping trip and was moody during our celebration lunch for Son at Rubys.

Afterwards we went home and I told Hunter that I wanted to snuggle upstairs with Daughter because I missed it in the mornings. While we are upstairs Hunter comes up and snuggles with me on my left and Daughter on my right. I kiss Hunter some more more and put my hand on her belly half way down the front of her pants below the panty line. She starts to fall asleep that way and I remove my hand and roll over. She rolls over and snuggles upto me.

Eventually Daughter keeps making noise and kicking around and Hunter keeps yelling at her to be quiet so I take her to her room and then go home and work out.

I come back and hang out for a few and say I need to get strawberries. She has plenty in the fridge but it’s off to Walmart I go. I bought her dinner last night and lunch today and she can’t spare two bucks worth of strawberries. I come back and on the way out I ask her for my passport and dive book. She says she will get them and she is still sad. I tell her to take the time to figure out how to fall back in love with me or how not to spend the rest of time miserable and punishing herself. She rolls her eyes and says she isn’t. That sets me off. I let her know that she needs to figure this out or she is going to be alone and miserable the rest of her life. She tells me to leave and not yell in front for kids. I tell her as compared to what you told them yesterday she doesn’t? She doesn’t comment and we leave.

When we get to my sisters I call her an text but she blows me off. I drive over and she is in her room – I’m guessing she is now bugging the home. I will check tonight when I get my computer. If she refuses access I will know. She uses the magnetic lock and had it when she came down from the stairs when I came in.

That’s when all hell broke out. Why doesn’t she love me? Why won’t she do the work? How could she marry me if she didn’t love me? Why was I a great husband when I made more money but now she can throw me away after she makes enough to do it without me? When is she going to make it up to me? When is going to do the work to fall in love with me?

Nothing but her yelling at me and telling me she feels nothing for me and doesn’t love me and wants to move forward.

How can you move forward when you don’t make up for the past?

You stole 12 years of my life and the only good thing that came out was my daughter and you are taking her from me.

She tells me she’s done fighting and I can have her but she refuses to email me so I can take her.

Then she talks about money and support. I tell her to not ask for money and pay alimony for life. She tells me her attorney said she can’t waive it. Oh, she has an attorney now? No surprise she has been lying about it. She is all about the lies and obfuscation. I am sure in a few days she will be pleasant on Wednesday. It will be interesting how she is tonight, and to see if she makes her profile public on Match. Could be the breaking moment….the fight lasted about 20 minutes and she told me to get out and the divorce was not amicable anymore and I better be thankful she doesn’t change the locks. I tell her she is lucky I don’t call social services and she turns around and gives me the dirtiest looks and tells me to F -off for the up-tenth time. I think even she gets how bad she can be. Her life is going to start crumbling around both of us if she keeps this up. Poor kids – the only way to get out of this is to remove Daughter and I from her and not to destroy Sons relationship with her by letting him stay with her. I think she can handle him since he is rule driven being as Aspie.

I ordered the book the Splitting to start understanding how to stratified against her BPD. I hope I survive this she is so hateful and destructive. I may take her up on Daughter. I will call Good Shepherd and put her name on the list for new students. It will be expensive but I need to extract myself from this woman. She is horrible to the kids and manipulative to me. Being alone and getting used by the guys on Match will be a rude awakening. I hope she finally gets help.

The kids had a great time at my sisters. Son would eat Lasagna and Daughter carried the Girl Scout cookies all around – it was too cute. Then I took then away and she walked away and I told her to throw a tantrum and she plays tantrum and makes everyone laugh.

We go home and she had moved my stuff and my computer and found my passport but not the dive log. Always something. We get into it some more her “no confusion” with me. But you got in the bed with me today. Her response – don’t snuggle with Daughter up there use the perfectly good downstairs room. I tell her she is not going to stop me from staying here as we agreed and she can leave. She said that was fine and if I chose to sleep over that I could use the downstairs room. I know she can’t handle the kids together and I hope she finally breaks and gives me daughter as I want.

Then she goes on about how the engagement ring is a gift and separate property. I informed her it was community and she went crazy. Everything she has she thinks is separate property and it’s all about money with her. She said again that I could have everything and bring my list on next Monday and she would sign it all away. I doubt she will go through with it she’s too cheap. I may also bring up Daughter at the meeting and get it to open dialogue but I am sure it will piss her of.

So many accounts and assets she is hiding. Checks, bonds, nfcu accounts in the name of the children that she will use for “vacations” and presents, etc. Always a psychotic bullshit reason for her to be as cheap and stingy to her children as her mom is to her. She spent less than $12 for valentines day on both kids. What a cheap brat. Almost $400k a year and $12 is all she spends on the kids. I feel so bad for them. I feel so bad for her she is going to be alone and miserable for the rest of her life even if she gets remarried.

Time to read splitting…

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