So today is not as anticipated. Missed swim due to work. The one return needs a lot of work, and no other returns have arrived. I doubt tomorrow will go smoothly, much less the next three days.
I dropped off some boxes at Grado and Son tells me to leave since it’s his movie time and Hunter has put Daughter down early. She knew I was coming. I leave and call her on the way home and ask her what am I supposed to do? The three of them don’t want nex around? They are just becoming a financial obligation and all I want to do is move to Orange County and never see them again. She tells me I’m harassing her – there’s nothing left – she wants a second chance –
what about my second chance?
She hangs up.
Why do I want to be with her? She’s a compulsive lier. A thief who stole a decade of my life. She has cheated on everyone she was in a committed relationship with. Although she won’t get the “out of town” chance a third time, so she will be stuck in that final loveless marriage for the remainder of her days hating how he treats our children and herself for getting herself into this mess one last and final time.
I want blood – revenge – my pound of flesh. I made all of these life altering decisions for my family and she used them to her advantage and now she wants to run away from her guilt (me) and pretend none of it happened. I hope they all rot in hell.
I called my sister and asked her to call me. She hasn’t called. She hates the drama. And I sit here and wonder why I am in so much pain for this lousy person. Hunter is not healthy or kind or generous and even in a second chance it would ultimately fade. I’ve gotten so used to having someone around to talk and do things with that being alone away from friends and work is tough.
I am sure the fact that work isn’t going well isn’t helping. I don’t want to hate her the rest of my life but since she refuses to ask for forgiveness how do I. Something I obviously need to learn, but her life will be so much richer than mine and she will remarry while I won’t. So unfair….
I think that type of self talk is what is destroying my from the inside out. I now need to figure out a game plan to not hurt her anymore or me or the kids. I don’t want us to end up like her parents. I think of my estate planning attorney and his attitude about them being best friends just the wrong person to marry. Then again he has gained 40 pounds in the last three years so something is amiss. I’m sure he is still hurting. I also need to find a couple of people to help me learn the ropes around here and being single again. A good group of friends will help a lot. Just need to get my goals / priorities / strategy defined so I can implement May 1st. My count down starts now…
She drops the kids off late and yaps about why I have to make her the bad mom at the party and that’s why she’s late. Oh, and it’s her week on the parent plan so I’m not supposed to see them at all so why am I complaining since she is nice enough to let me see the kids.
– don’t go there. I’m helping you out because you need a break. Stop talking like you are doing me a favor when I helping you out.
More crap about the past. I’m hanging up now John. There is nothing between us and I’m not going to talk about the past anymore. Then hangs up. I love it when people who commit atrocities think they should be able to move on without an I’m sorry.
And if I hear one more word about the parent plan she is going to get strangled by it. Unlike her I can handle the kids. I don’t need wine, or breaks, or constant yelling. I don’t need to let them have tv all morning and night and movies every Friday. I don’t need to feed them junk food and keep them up late just to get by.
I just need an hour or two the day before to create the schedule and I’m good to go. Get up at 4am to get work done Sunday mornings before the kids wake up – done. Sacrifice Breaking Bad for another time – sure. Her – hell no that is disruptive to her professional life. So many years wasted and now I’m getting pissed. I’m sure she is going to regret pissing me off. She thinks she is smarter than me but she is really just more dishonest and uninterested in family. She can’t handle the kids, she doesn’t want to go to a custody case because she knows she can’t be the background interviews or the MMPI, and she doesn’t want to spend the money. I know she has assets hidden here and there mostly small numbers – probably less than $10K , but its enough to break the agreement if I need to later in court since she would have lied on the dissolution documents.
She made a comment about things would be better for me once I am finally getting the kids three days during the summer. But she is supposed to have them two full weeks as am I. She only plans for one. She can’t take it that much. Hence why she is asking me to watch the kids during my normal times this week. She just can’t take them or give them away for shame and money. I’ve already got my weeks worked out for the summer.
She is so ready for a break and I am so ready to move back to Orange County and see them every other week. She keeps pissing me off and her world and her money are going to get spent in a very painful way for her. She may make $400K a year, but she watches every penny. I will die bouncing my last check and once I’m past this storm I’m going to enjoy the remainder of my days while she will be sad and miserable with some dbag who she marries because she can’t be alone. And I still have issues since I wish she would just come crawling back to me and ask for forgiveness – maybe its a power play and I feel so powerless right now.