6/5/14 – The Great Escape

It’s start with my text to her about my son and his forehead. She texts there is a bump but he is more concerned about his loose teeth. I text back which ones and how long since there is no possibility the door yesterday caused it, but my sense is she has implied they are connected.

She texts me it’s the top and bottom front two. I text again how long have they been loose since she didn’t answer the question. Obviously she is attempting to imply it’s my fault (guilt) to garner some emotional leverage. She tells me he has been fidgeting with them for a while but last night was the first night he allowed her to touch them.

An hour later she sends me an email talking about how she received an email discussing how she spoke with the VP at our sons school and he had run off campus. Sounds like he got off campus and ran about a quarter mile before they caught up with him. At least once a semester he seems to go for the run!

About an hour later I get a text confirming which number she should call me for his Psychiatric appointment. Fair and considerate text.

An hour later it’s the call. MD wants to up his meds to help with the issues. She doesn’t respond. I’ve got to speak first then ask her. She doesn’t respond and the doc asks again. I prompt her to respond. Who doesn’t love living in the past forever? I don’t think these habits will die until we both for other significant others. At least until she has one. I am starting to see me being single forever. I like them pretty. Pretty ones like thin men. Not a compatible reality for me – alone I be.

An hour later she calls me after talking with his teacher about the incident. I guess playing nice on the phone with the doc prompted the switch to calls from emails regarding this incident.

I take the opportunity afterwards to text to ask to switch Wednesdays to Thursdays with the kids so I don’t have to deal with the aftermath of his therapy. I know she has PTA sometimes on Wednesday so I say we try it for the summer and if it works we can do it year round with the exception of her meetings. And wait another week since she has plans next Wednesday. She agrees to the summer.

I ask my sister if I should be nicer to her (hello / goodbye / chitchat that she wants). Yesterday and her small amount of crying has gotten to me. My sister tells me to move on and just say hello / goodbye. I can’t control her and I don’t want to be in this same place a year from now. She’s right but doesn’t understand where I am coming from.

She doesn’t understand Hunters issues, and has deemed reading about them beneath her. She’s never been married. She thinks things are easier than they are. She seems to enjoy being alone. She has has one relationship three months or longer in the last ten years after he sons father. Not really someone who has walked my walk. Of course I have not walked hers and she never discusses her live life with me. Not that I want details but I would like her to be happy. I just wish she would have read one book on Borderline Personality Disorder. It would make it easier for me to discuss things if she was educated on the subject.

I come to a mindset of “who cares.” Be emotionally entangled / cut free / limbo – what’s the difference? I can’t get away from her for several more years. Why keep hating her and being angry? It’s not that much better than being sad and depressed. Maybe getting neck deep in the mire and learning to disengage, to disconnect from expectations, is the way to go. Learn the lesson by being drowned by it.

When she has the kids call tonight we will have connected almost a dozen times with texts / emails / calls. She doesn’t want to be married. She doesn’t want to date. She wants to fall in love with her soulmate without the guilt of cheating on me. All I see in her future is more of the past. A different version of me. Me a different version of Patrick. Chris a different version of me. Everyone a fantasy of the real person. Every interaction that goes bad before her final prop an emotional outcry to me. For me I must learn to detach emotionally or I will be wrapped in this suffering forever.

Thankfully I got my daughters bed installed and setup with a Hello Kitty blanket and pillow. She will be so excited Saturday. I can’t wait to see her face!

I was never a Hello Kitty fan, but she loves it so therefore so do I :). I guess there is some joy in some attachments.

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