6/10/14 – Happy Birthday

So today started with a video from the kids wishing me a happy bday (via Hunter). Hung out and relaxed today. Spoke with Debbie this afternoon to talk about last week, last night, and Son.

She tells me Hunter told the behavioral therapist and her we were getting a divorce. First time Hunter has said anything to anyone. I text her to see who else she told so I have an idea of the landscape. No reply.

I show Debbie the video of son talking about Hunter and her yelling and other things. Debbie is receptive but cautious. I tell her I’m not trying to take the kids away, but if she sees anything to ask son what happened and document how he got hurt. More for my protection than anything. She gets it but Hunter still pays her so I am leery.

It is also strange to see Hunter that baked me my favorite pie last night. The pie I told her was the reason I decided to pop the question. Last year she told me to rethink that thought. My moms apple pie was what made my dad pop the question and it’s lasted over 50 years so far. But after all that fighting yesterday she bakes me a pie, and bought me a pie dish so I can take it home – vanilla ice cream in the fridge on the happy birthday note. She also gave me a ballon on the presents from the kids. Never got a balloon before. Not sure where her head is at.

Funny enough when I get home with the kids she stays in the front room until I walk in then turns her back and talks to the kids. I go to the bathroom and come out and she’s in the kitchen with my son. I sit in the living room and she starts talking to me about how I can take the pie home. I said I would leave it for tomorrow.

She looks at me briefly but she’s angry. Pissed actually. Not sure why she baked me a pie and then sends me a video but she can still be angry. I’m sure somewhere she is having trouble coming to terms with everything. Can’t be easy. Be nice to show she can be. Keep me close but not to close. I’m sure it pisses her off to have to be that way. I’m sure it’s going to be tough to feel all of those horrible things about yourself and the one person in the world you count on to take care of you and tell you that are worth being loved isn’t doing that anymore.

I was thinking about everything in the whole “it was supposed to be this way” mindset. Obviously somewhere along the road Hunter needed to move back home. To bring up all those bad memories from jr and high schools. To see all of her old haunts. To go through the “look I made it” to the world and see the world doesn’t really care. So now she has to face herself. Face her mistakes. Face the tornados path she left behind whenever she touches down. I am starting to see why this was necessary for her karmic growth opportunity.

I’m still trying to figure out why I am here. Maybe just to learn self reliance, self respect, and faith in a future. Maybe it’s to know I love being a dad and would probably not gotten the opportunity without her pushing for it to rekindle the marriage after her affair. Maybe just to learn to be grateful for what I have. If I can learn to be loving and grateful everyday that would be a birthday gift for the ages. Happy Birthday to me. Thanks God for my kids! I do love being a dad!

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