6/14/14 – I am so fucked

I just finished talking to my son. It appears Hunter gets the download of the conversations my son and I have each weekend and weekday I visit. She told him that all I want is to get her thrown in jail and that he isn’t allowed to talk to me about anything anymore. I told him not to talk to her about our conversations but he said no deal. Now he won’t talk to me about anything anymore and before we went to dinner he told my daughter to shut up and not talk about Hunter yelling at the two of them today. If I don’t get this divorce behind me she’s going to get him to lie and exaggerate enough shit since he is so anchored to her that I will end up without the kids, spousal supports and a $3k+ child support payments a month. That or a $100k divorce and not enough of a down to buy a home and no difference at best a 20/80 anyways. I am so fucked. So are the kids. Listening to my son go on and on about how he and his sister are helping Hunter with her anger and making sure she doesn’t use her body against them when she’s angry. With my daughters natural mothering tendency she will end up taking care of both of them and spending her life in abusive relationships because that’s all she knows and being brainwashed into hating me. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Hunter lies so effectively I don’t think I can beat her at this game with all of my missteps and emotional up and downs I’ve had in the past. I guess she wins and everyone losses. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I wish I knew what to do. I don’t know how to help them. I can’t help her. I guess she wins again and my kids lose. I lose. Eventually she will lose too but only after everyone is nothing. Time will show her raising too very emotionally unhealthy children and being “that home” in the community. I hope I find a way. I just wish I knew what to do.

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