7/20/14 – It’s Like She Is Stalking Me Again

Surprise, surprise.  Not only did she renege on her promise on making things up to me, but has gone out of her way to piss me off.  When I picked son up last night I was quiet but pleasant.  I answered her questions, but did not stick around to talk much.  Daughter was sleeping on the couch (Hunter snuggles with her while she watches tv – now its an all the time thing), so I walked over and snuggled with her while she slept and son was getting his stuff ready.  When he was ready I walked away.  When I got up Hunter was less than than six inches away on the other side of the ottoman that I was on next to my daughter.  Hunter followed me all around the house in a happy go-lucky mood.  I doubt there was more than 18 inches between us the entire five minutes I was in the house. I have no idea of what to make of things other then she was happy to see me like that.  It’s like I am being manipulated, but I doubt that would be something that she would actively do via happiness.  She would be more inclined to date someone and tell me she isn’t and then fake a suicide attempt to hide the truth.  She doesn’t do small manipulation.

This morning we had spoken about me picking up daughter after church.  Son does NOT want to go anymore so it is a fight to make it happen, but I promised he didn’t have to go to Sunday school.  He could hang out with me in the back of the main auditorium with the adults.  About 20 minutes in he wants out.  So we go to the waiting room where they have the sermon on tv.  A few minutes later he is done.

After we get to church and park I see a sling of texts and a call from Hunter about switching things up.  She has gotten there early.  I text her and ask why.  She tells me she is now volunteering.  I ask her doing what and no reply.  I instantly know where she is at.  After son is done, we go to pick up daughter at her Sunday School and she is waiting for Hunter to come back because “mommy is playing with me.”  It took months for Hunter to stop going to my service time, and that only happened because of the singles mom group.  Now she has found a way to get involved with kids on my time all the time.  When I pick daughter up Hunter is pissed off to no end. She could have burned holes through me with those eyes.

What she doesn’t understand is that she can talk shit about me to however she wants down here.  People discount talk during a divorce, but since I am the one constantly asking for prayers for her to forgive herself I know what people will eventually think once they compare stories.  In the end, once she finds a boyfriend she will abandon that place ASAP unless he is in the church.  If he is in the church, then she will be outed once he gets tired of her constant anger and debasement. She thinks her current state of peace is because I’m not at home when it is really just her constant busy work and books since she has yet to face the truth of her past. She constantly yells and screams at me about not wanting to feel bad for what she’s done. For those who have made peace with their past know it doesn’t come out as anger. It comes through as humility and compassion. I’m not there yet, but it’s easy to spot those who have not started down the path.

All I want to do is be able to spend time with my kids without her interfering and have a few days without having to talk or speak to her.  I understand her BPD is in constant flux right now.  Between being free of her guilt and then alone with nothing but her remorse, filling her mind wit books and projects, then desperate for attention and inclusion.  She fights over ever nickel and hour with the kids to satisfy her fears, then is constantly around me to know feel like she is alone in this family.  

Then she takes notes (whether true or not) to prevent me from taking the kids (which I am not trying to do – only daughter since it would help her), then bakes me cookies so I will share my holidays, and then calls me names and tell me she never loved me over the last 16 years just to hurt me.  Then smiles and is flirty to make up for the nonsense. She is one messed up little girl and all I want now is to be free from her and for her to get into therapy.

Adding insult to injury she replies this morning to my revised custody scheduling saying she will think about it.  When she thought I was just giving her alternating weekends with daughter, that was unfair, but giving me that much time is fair.  It is only fair if you are using the kids so that you are not alone.  I text her back saying that we can incorporate it into the next version of the MSA. No response.

If she baulks again she is going to end up being part of a six-figure divorce.  I will get affidavits from Chris and Holli about what lies she will tell and the length of her vengeance.  I will get affidavits from her old coworkers about the time she threw files at one of her staff.  I will get affidavits from her current staff about how she lied to HR (giving a better review than she wanted ) to get a particular employee out of her department and into a different department.  I will have over a years worth of spousal abuse and child abuse on my side.  I will have her on record about her physical abuse of me and her previous boyfriend.

She can go on and on about my wild calls and texts, but I will have similar treatments at different times, and if I ever get a hold of that phone her voicemails and notes will disappear again.  She should be careful about constantly lying to everyone as once the pieces come together she will be fucked.  It may cost me $75,000, but I will more than make up for it with child and spousal supports once I get the kids.  All I am asking for is:

1.  Weekend 1 – both kids

2.  Weekend 2 – one child

3.  Weekend 3 – she has both kids

4.  Weekend 4 – other child

What’s wrong with this schedule.  The kids are together two weekends a month and all weeks except for the holiday & vacation weeks.  We each get a 1:1 weekend every month which all of the PhD’s we have talked to have suggested.  We each get one weekend just to ourselves for travel, entertainment, or just rest & refreshment.

Worst part of all – she is using food to win over my daughter who is already overweight.  For breakfast she gave my daughter a cake-pop and apple juice from Starbucks.  The kids tell me she always gives them dessert now, when we never really gave them dessert before.  I have an occasional dessert, but most of the time its Otter Pops – 40 frozen calories of fruit juice and colored water.  She lets them watch tv all the time and movies every Friday.  I took them for a walk after church and before lunch to get some energy out.  Tough to do with my sons extreme fear of bees, but me made it through. Too much for my daughter to walk a quarter-mile. So sad for them and the future. Thankfully tonight is extended dinner. I think when I drop off my son I will give her a hug and kiss. That should push her away from me for a while.

No such luck. My son had a major meltdown at my parents because he wanted to leave early. I think it’s because there were so many people there and no one paying 100% attention to him. For the first two hours he did great. Used his words – took breaks – although he was not communicative with his Uncle.

Then he decided he wanted to leave. I told him we leave at 7 like always, but if that hour was too long we could go at 6:45. Around 6:30 he starts melting down. I ask him to pick up the toys and give hugs goodbye and by then it will be 6:45 and we can leave.

He starts going out of control and locks himself in the bathroom. I have my dad get a screw driver and unlock the bathroom door. Unfortunately he is pushing against the door and he hurts his toe a little bit. There isn’t even a scratch but in his heightened state of mind he can’t get over it. He ends up cracking the door and breaking the door stopped before I get him out of the bathroom. I eventually make repairs and leave.

When I get to Hunters to drop him off she gives me 1.5 dozen of my favorite cookies (butterscotch oatmeal). She obviously wants to be best friends or at least until she has some of her own. We talk a few minutes outside and then I leave.

When I get home son has left me a note about changing since I’m now on Hunters team again. I call and ask to talk to him. After that I call to talk to Hunter about working with him about not constantly blaming me for everything wrong with the family and that leads into the typical fights again. I just wish she would own up to what she has told him and make amends. That’s never gonna happen. She truly believes that once the divorce is final she will have the life she wants. She went on about doing the church things to make friends. I don’t have the heart to tell her that people who volunteer for friends don’t make them. People who want to make friends want to be a friend first knowing if they are a friend to enough people then some of them will be your friend.

I’m taking the week off for me. I need some time away from everyone right now.

Tonight Star Wars with my daughter. I can’t do it with son so I will take what I can get as long as I’m here in North County.

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