7/25/14 – Stress Fracture

The doctor wanted X-rays and the results are in – stress fracture near the bottom of my shin bone. As usual there is an extremely long name to the diagnosis, but that doesn’t matter it should heal up nicely.

Most of the day went smoothly without much issue. However, tonight during our ritual FaceTime son mentions that he doesn’t want to spend time with me tomorrow. Literally tells his mom on camera “why do I have to spend time with him every weekend?” I text Hunter to see what was up and she doesn’t reply. I send her another text that I’m not trying to pick a fight just get some understanding. She tells me she thinks it’s because the call interrupted his coloring, but she also mentions she talked with him about for a long time after the call. Hunter never mentions what my son said was the reason. That always gives me pause – I wonder if it’s written in her notes.

I try to not take it personally. I’ve got the movie “Heaven Is For Real” streaming on the tv and I try and think about what my daughter would tell me. She has a very old soul and is doing more to help me understand the right way to live than I am for her right now. Maybe that’s why I hold on to her so tightly? I think that she, like my cat Buddha, were sent to help teach me. I obviously have a lot to learn to be going through such suffering right now.

I know my daughter would tell me that my son needs Hunter and Hunter needs him more than I need either of them and that it is not my place to intervene in God’s plan. She would say it in simpler terms, but I know that would be the gist of the matter. I just hope that old soul hangs on longer than the five year mark most people believe is when we forget what we remember from across the veil. She will need it in the future.

I don’t know what the future holds for all of us, but I am trying not to fight anymore. Let His will unfold, and I hope He gives me a stronger back to shoulder these burdens for Hunter and my children. No matter what Hunter has done we all deserve a second chance at an extraordinary life. I hope she finds a way to heal, forgive herself, and create a peaceful and loving house for my children.

As Tyler says – you can’t become anything until you lose everything. I guess that is what love is all about. Letting go of those things that others need more than you even if they are the most precious of gifts you were ever given. They were never my children they were always His. He’ll tell when my season with my son starts and I will try to be patient, forgiving, and faithful until then.

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