8/9/14 – Could She Be A Bigger Bitch?

I need to get out of here. That psychotic bitch is teaching me I have a lot to learn about peaceful thoughts. Then again I wasn’t one to seethe before I met her. That’s a learned trait I need to unlearn.

And before anyone reading this diagnosed BPD wants to send me hateful emails or comments save your energy. Not all Borderlines are the same just as no two people are the same, and this blog isn’t about you. It’s about Hunter, myself and my kids. You are not her (that I am aware of), so you do not need to read into this nor see yourself in her. Besides there are plenty of horrible people who are not Borderlines that do similar things and they don’t seem to email or comment to me about being more sympathetic to Hunter as she takes my children away due to the horrendous laws of this communistic state.

If you are getting treatment for your condition than you have my sympathy and support. If you are not getting treatment than none will be forthcoming. In life actions matter more than anything. Those seeking to make a better life (physically, emotionally, spiritually) have my support and my willingness to help. Suffer in silence without seeking help and continuing to ruin lives then you will reap what you sow. Today’s entry isn’t about my personal growth it’s me venting so I don’t yell at her or the kids. Deal with it!

Nothing personal but the world has enough tornadoes ruining things without the aid and assistance of untreated Borderlines or Narcissists or Anti-Socials touching down on vulnerable people and wrecking their lives because they don’t want to be humble enough to seek help. And if you are BPD and not seeking help because you buy into the bullshit that its untreatable – look up Dialectic Behavioral Therapy. It has proven success.

I am sure there is a group counseling session near you and where there is a group there is a trained professional leading it specializing in helping those suffering with the tremendous pain and anxiety associated with the pervasive personality disorder (BPD). With tremendous work and effort that three year-old boy or girl inside you can be grown up into someone who isn’t going to cause anymore chaos than any other personal who is not diagnosed with BPD. PSA rant over.

She has me come over to take my daughter to the pool since son doesn’t want to. It’s closed – not her fault but I’m tired of being there to help out and then to be told she is being nice. Don’t stand right next to me and then get upset when I hug you. Last Sunday you kissed me without me requesting it, so don’t fucking tell me you don’t want me touching you now. I get it. When they are 100% with me you are alone. When you have them 100% with you you can’t handle them. Hence my compromise since you are not willing to compromise on anything.

Low and behold Hunter tells me she already has comments from her attorney on the MSA but won’t share them with me. Hunter isn’t accepting of my counter proposal but wants time to come up with something else.

I told you there is no something else. You owe me $X – you have the cash – pay me as soon as possible and I will move to Orange County and be out of your hair. Don’t constantly text me all day because as both my kids put it – you are yelling at everyone all day – so you have someone to emotionally lean on. Get help or get the fuck off me.

Leave me alone to move and regroup. That cunt is just trying to string this out as long as possible to “be nice by allowing me on the insurance longer.” Also know as keeping me here by not having to buy me out of the assets.

She pisses me off enough that I walk around the kitchen and show her virtually everything we have is from gifts by my family and friends or bought by me. I don’t yell. I don’t scream. I don’t say mean names. I just tell her that she needs to do right by or let me go. If she isn’t going to do right by me then she is effectively taking the kids away from me and that’s all that is left of me and that last thing she will get from me anymore.

She can make up all the lies she wants for the attorneys or the courts. I will at minimum get 20% in Orange County unrestricted. Worst part for her is she knows that all of this drama of hers (as well as mine) will become public record. Her little book and memories of her wonderful times with Chris. All of the throwing of files from her days at PwC. Affidavits from Chris and Holli showing the length she will go to to lie and destroy those that she feels abandon her. We will both spend $50k in fees and in the end she will be more than punished for her sins which is what I think she really wants.

She wants me to take care of her, but not reciprocate. Yes she is a little girl inside but she has the age of someone who continually destroys lives. I don’t care about diagnosis or the reasons anymore. I want off the fucking ride before I permanently pretend she doesn’t exist.

When she dropped of my son I didn’t let her in the door nor speak to her. She isn’t being moral or just and I’d rather not speak with her than get into a fight without the ability to adhere to her newly found religious and moral dogma.

At her pace I told her to get help. That it’s interesting that whenever her life is going well she derails it. Get married, promoted and have a slew of girlfriends for the first time in your life and she goes on a drunken whoring rampage to destroy it. Get the two kids, a huge job, your dream home in the rich neighborhood you dreamed of living in as a kid – get divorced. At what point in time will she figure her shit out – never!

I text her what time is going to pick up the kids tomorrow. No response. I am sure she won’t as her plan is to not have to deal with them until tomorrow night. Her personal break. Then again if I had them all weekend and she had to be alone that long she would horde in on my time. Fuck her and her insanity. Time for her to either get this done ASAP or start to really punish her. Because I know in a day or two her splitting mindset will turn back from black to white with the alone time and she will pretend to be nice again – probably with a kiss on the cheek. If I remember correctly Judas kissed Jesus on the cheek to let the Roman Praetorian know who to crucify. I’m no Jesus but Hunter has certainly put me in hell and I need to find the keys to get out.

Wonderful tirade by son tonight. I caught him in a lie between Hunter and I and went ballistic. She texted that son told her to pick him up tomorrow night and he is emphatic that he didn’t. I tell him then mom lied. When she talks to him on FaceTime he agreed with her to placate and inure himself to her.

As he grows angry and trying to break the doors I have to restrain him. He starts screaming how I am hurting him at the top of his lungs. I barely have much pressure on him. At times I don’t even touch his arms but he keeps screaming. He finally tells me Hunter has told him to say I am hurting him to get him taken away from me.

Maybe this is why she is stalling. Trying to get enough third party evidence from neighbors hearing these things. Right now I don’t even care. As long as I can run from this bitch without cash flow issues I might buy off on it. Eventually she would break down with the kid 100% of the time and they would end up with me. I fucking hate her right now.

I call her and ask and she says he didn’t tell him that. I tell her I didn’t think but wanted to hear it directly from her. I don’t know what to believe anymore none of the three of them are able to adhere to honesty for different reasons. I guess I should stop trying to teach them right and wrong. It just upsets me and will most likely do no good under Hunters supervision. This shit sucks!

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