8/28/14 – Texts, Lies and Church Dates

What an interesting day. It started out as planned – up early, get the car waxed, got some work don before 7am. Then at the car wash I get an email from church. The head of the children’s ministry and I had spoken at the beginning of summer and it appears Hunter has requested to permanently volunteer in my sons classroom so Christina emailed to see if that was ok.

I text Hunter and she texts me back that she had only planned on volunteering the three times this summer at my daughters classroom, and if she decided to volunteer again next summer she would do it in different classrooms than our children.

I drive over to church and talk to Christina and she tells me that Hunter filled out the card on Sunday. We talk and I have her read the text. I don’t want to come of as some nut (which I sure I do), and ask her to redirect Hunters volunteerism towards another room or time that is outside of my son so it doesn’t interfere with my time with him. Christina says she will contact Hunter and steer her away from my son class without using me as the reason.

That’s what totally cracks me up about this. She has flat out lied to me and the church because she doesn’t think we communicate. Typical Hunter – compartmentalize her life so she can manipulate everyone to satisfy her irrational fears. I understand this is typical BPD behavior. Something that she has been doing most of her teenage and adult life which is why she has been able to get what she wants and destroy so many lives while doing it. What a burden she must be carrying around?

At lunch with my sister she keeps going on as if Hunter is just messed up. I don’t think she realizes how deep Hunters pathology goes. At least I didn’t rail on Hunter. I solved the problem and kept information flowing through open communication channels. It helps to co-parent through back door channels until we get the agreement signed and everything is done. Otherwise any button could set her off and leave another month before we finalize things. A month I don’t want to wait for.

I’m still a little pissed about it, but not enough to let it destroy my day. This writing while I wait for Ben should be enough to get it over with. As the MFT said in the codependency group yesterday – authentic emotions last about 20 minutes. Anything more than that is something deeper that has not been dealt with.

Out and about and Ben said I have made amazing strides the last few weeks and it’s nice to be proud of myself – to be able to see my growth. Dinner with the kids tonight and then a cleanse tomorrow and a goal setting workshop. Maybe plan a little time with the kids this weekend too.

Should be a good few days!

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