9/2/14 – Splitting Again

What a wild ride today. Just when you get used to the roller coaster ride you fail to see the mouse trap curls near the end. I can’t call it anything other than splitting 2.0. I know I started things this morning when I called her on her way to work. Starting to talk about the kids and then she makes on off handed remark and I go straight into the boundaries comment she made last night and why does she keep having to work so hard to keep boundaries with her husband, but had no boundaries after we married and she started cheating on me. Why does she think God wants her to keep boundaries with her husband who she is desperate to talk to, but was ok with her not having boundaries after we got married and she started cheating on me? Obviously too many hours in her presence the last few days.

Of course there is silence and then “I don’t have an answer.” Then it evolves into why she constantly is talking to me when I’m with the kids and her.

– Aren’t I supposed to be spending time with them?

– It’s nice to talk to someone who isn’t family or work. If we didn’t have kids then I probably wouldn’t talk to you at all.

– If we didn’t have kids then you wouldn’t be able to get a hold of me. I would be a myth like every other guy you have slept who doesn’t want to ever talk to you after it’s over.

Then she goes into she doesn’t have to take it and hangs up. I call a couple of more times since we still have to talk about the kids this weekend while I’ll be working.

I send her a couple of texts and she emails me about me berating her and it just kills me. She can be so vile and despicable with her words but she always plays the victim. So I respond in kind about her meanness and I’m not going to back and forth emails all day. She should call.

She does during her “lunch hour” and leaves a formal message Hello John this is Hunter. I call back and we work out this weekend then she goes into do I want the kids to spend the night on Thursday since she will be home late. I tell her I was planning on working at her house. Hunter doesn’t want me to be uncomfortable so I ask her if she plans on spending the night somewhere and if so I can ask my parents but this time of year she knows I don’t have the time. She tells me that she wasn’t trying to imply that she was spending the night over with someone.

I don’t know when she would have time to date unless it is someone at work. She has made sure she has someone almost every night for the last month. She has some spare time on Sundays, and maybe one free Saturday night in August. If she is dating someone it’s on her Thursday night out but she isn’t drinking and I can’t believe she would go out with someone without a drink. It’s not her style, but she is also very sly so who knows. I just know she has changed her language regarding it. She isn’t denying she is dating, but at the same time she isn’t pushing it in my face like she did with Chris so it’s strange.

After all of the kid talk I tell her that if she wants us to not be uncomfortable around me she needs to open up a little bit. Not to have sex with me, or save the marriage, but opening her heart a little bit is the only way to make that happen. She needs to bring down some of the boundaries or we are going to be in for a very long haul and she might as well have fun. She can either open her heart up to me or spend the better part of decade playing a victim role until everyone including her family gets tired of it. She starts getting mad and making snide comments. I tell her that attitude is what I’m talking about. If you want to keep fighting I can start being as vengeful as she was with Chris. She tells me she agrees and will think about it. I tell her to have a good day.

I get a text asking about my schedule tonight and I do I want the kids to call? Then she sends me a picture of my daughter stenciling her name “because daughter wanted me to see it.” I send over some smiley faces, but I know my daughter didn’t make the suggestion. On the phone my daughter asks me why I sent her the smiley faces. Because of you drawing your name. Oh yeah. (She must not remember asking mom to send it to me :). Just a way of Hunter “being nice and reaching out.” Then Hunter abruptly hangs up on me and daughter. I’m sue she split back to me being an asshole by exposing her lie in the call. I wasn’t trying to but daughter asked me.

All day I go from friend to bastard to coparent to friend to ass. That’s a lot for 12 hours. Tough to keep an emotional hold with her shit. If she ever owns up to what the hell she is up to (dating or not, friendship or not) and could face her personal truth to get help that would be helpful to all. I know it will never happen. At least I was able to get some work done today, and just simply playing my new guitar tonight made me feel peaceful again. It’s nice to reconnect with my old self again for a little while. Just a simple honu floating in space.

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