9/9/14 – “Hey there, it’s Me”

Yesterday my son got into a fight with one of the other kids on his van. According to the driver, the other kid fell when getting out of the van and then took it out on son. That’s the issue with being in a special program – all the kids have emotional issues.

My son scratched up the other kid defending himself. According to the message from Hunter he feels really bad about hurting the other kid even though he was defending himself. It hurts to not be able to console and teach him things. That this is a good life lesson and an opportunity to develop his self esteem by telling him that it is acceptable to defend yourself when being attacked as long as you stop once you are out of danger. That this was not his fault, but the other kids.

Hunter doesn’t seem to have that inside her. On the call he won’t talk to me because he and his sister were fighting. On a day like that she should have let him chose. A good teaching moment for daughter. When a family member has had a bad day you give them a little break to cheer them up. That doesn’t seem to be in Hunters motherly instincts.

At the end of the call Hunter tells me she has to go since my son is going off on daughter since she is teasing him about being first. Hunter doesn’t hang up, she storms down the hall and starts yelling at son. I hang up. I don’t want to see what happens since I can’t help. I helpless which is not what a father ever wants to be to protect his children especially from their mom.

I text Hunter later to see if everyone is ok, and she says yes – no one hurt. She says daughter wanted to borrow a book which was set him off. Maybe that’s true – she does like to invade his room where most of the books are. But I know it started with her teasing about being first.

This morning Hunter leaves a message (2 min long) about how son still felt responsible for the fight and that she talked with his teacher to pass along the message to the school counselor. Not a thought about getting him into see Julia. She refuses that and I can’t understand why. I get it that the start of school, friends club, and fall ball is a lot, but Julia is year round and vital to his self worth development. Maybe she just wants to keep what’s going on at her house secret just like everything else.

The vmail started out “Hey there, it’s me.” Strange change of language for her. It’s the first time I’ve heard her use “it’s me” in a very long time. No “hey you.” If both were present I would assume something was really up inside her head. However, she also made mention of her PTA meeting and back to school night and what time to go. Strange starting second grade and this is the first invite. We went together at the private kindergarten, and last year I watched the kids while she went for PTA. Not sure why invite me this time.

I need to stop wondering why. She is just trying to keep me around to help take care of her and the kids while she works and eventually dates. I’m guessing if she is stressed tonight she will me a live wire and I won’t want to be around her. I just wish I could take care of the kids. They need someone to guide them that isn’t so narcissistic and neurotic. The hardest part is somewhere deep inside she knows that she throws me off by using that language. Otherwise why constantly change the language.

Of course, she will say she’s just trying to be nice – just trying to be friends. How many friends does she have that she calls in the first place, much less using “it’s me?” That’s a couples phrase.

The worst part is a slow day working from home. I need more to do to keep me busy. I just get neurotic. Worst part – I’ll see her tonight and not the kids.

She left another message about back to school and asked me to text her if I didn’t go. Another “hey you it’s me.” Funny since she didn’t say a word to me at back the school until we were in our sons classroom. Walked right past her at the PTA table and she just smiled at me and kept talking to others. On the way out she completely ignored me. In his classroom she sat right next to me. Only three of us in total so she could have picked anywhere but right next to me at his desk. I don’t get her at all.

Although it was fascinating to see her on stage for her Treasurers report. She had her hair up, but before going on stage she put it done and played with it. She is growing it out. Getting longer hair is definitely an attraction play as short hair is more respected in business. Plus she pulled her t-shirt tight in the back to make her look smaller waisted. She is obviously getting into hunting mode – at least passively. She seems to be embracing her new role in the community as a QCOM Director. Money, power, and all that Q brings to San Diego. I am very jealous.

Everything I sacrificed and cannot get back while she used me for her own gain. I want there to be a mechanism to even things out but that is not in this world. She has the money, the kids, the house, and the future. I was the one that did the right things and was faithful, honest, and true. She lied, cheated, and stole and gets all the blessings in this world. It may take me a while to stop wondering what God has in store for me, but I’m guessing it can’t be good.

Life sucks right now. Not sad or mean – jealous and wondering why the bad succeed when the good get screwed most of the time. I guess I should have expected this mindset after getting three vmails, a couple of texts, and her blowing me off in her new world. She always told me I would be nothing to her after the divorce, but wants us to be friends when around each other. Crazy shit. Just need to find a steady paycheck before I am screwed financially. If that happens at least I will get to ask my questions of God before her.

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