10/14/14 – I Don’t Think I’m Happy With God Anymore

I think Hunter is not liking they way I respond to her. Why is she allowed to ignore my calls when she wants but I can’t ignore her? And why do I have to take care of my son’s issues on her day when she doesn’t have to on mine?

I know I’m being petty, but our daughter’s parent / teacher conference is on the calendar and I told her I would be there why call me twice and text me?

Then three texts about our son and him running away. Then she has him call me to come get him, which I tell him he can stay with me tonight but you need to sleep with mom since I have an appointment in Orange County in the morning. He decides to stay.

But it is funny that he is starting to see the need for me. I just wish I could have been able to take him. That would have really messed with her head and started her thinking about giving me my son. Now is the time to get her thinking about giving him up to me. Maybe God is working on extracting him from her. She seems to be ok with just taking my daughter and her playdates.

Maybe that’s why God made her make the next appointment with our mediator mid November. Then with the holidays it will be December before another agreement and signatures.

Who knows? She seems to be secretly dating or at least something is going on. She is always texting and takes measure to make sure I notice that she is going out of her way to not let me see. Moving the phone from one side of the chair to the other so it is out of my sight right in front of me. Why not just put it away while we are having a conference about our daughter?

Like the emails at the pool. Why write them in front of me and then pretend to make sure you highlight that you don’t want me to see? Plus my son told me this weekend that she has been on the phone a lot (which she never did before and it’s not like she has any friends) and using Debbie to babysit at night and during the weekends. That and Friday’s meltdown over the kids – she must have another boyfriend like July maybe someone with a stronger bond and less of a multi-night stand.

Must also be why she didn’t fight again on this now third email on the changes to the MSA. It wouldn’t surprise me if she changed her mind and did a straight divorce if she has a real boyfriend by then.

I’m guessing God has spoken and the infidels who don’t believe in Him get the blessings and those of us that try and be better get hosed. I pray he proves me wrong and shows that there is something out there for me – job, friends, wife. I just don’t see it anymore.

She used me, cheated on me, and threw me away when she started making more money. She gets the big job, the big money, the house, the cats, and the kids. She got to be loved and taken care of while treating me like shit. Flowers four times a year and showered with gifts and nothing for me. I just don’t think this is fair, and I don’t think I believe in any of that shit anymore.

If there is a reason for all this it escapes me. Maybe God is working on a plan for me or more like a plan for Hunter and her prosperity and my poverty. Her new husband and my lonely life. I don’t think I’m happy with God anymore.

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