So this morning I read the passage below on soul mats that someone had posted on Facebook:
Not that I am a big believer in Ram Dass, but I have an unusual take on soul mates. I don’t necessarily believe that soul mates are meant to be sexual relationships and that we are meant to meet several soul mates with our time on earth. Each person allowing lessons to be learned, or taught, as the case may be. So because of this I was intrigued enough to read the article.
Getting past the first bit and Buddha, the second part on soul mates really struck a chord. That whole after the awakening process you see the emptiness in romantic love and that you keep repeating the relationship with new faces because you still have to do the work and no one is willing to do the work so you constantly repeat the process and only when you do the work can you begin to find another etc etc.
So I think I finally gave in. I’m not sure I will ever get over Hunter, and I can’t walk away from my kids, and I will always hope she gets help when I know she won’t so I am stopping my trying. When I picked up the kids tonight i changed the filter in the fridge, and revised next weekends schedule so she can go out next Friday and I’m just tired of fighting it.
The evening with the kids was tougher than usual. Hunter skipped the second Tenex for my son (mid-afternoon) and he was bouncing off the walls this evening. At least we have a call with his doc tomorrow, and I think we are closer to a more proper place with his meds.
With Hunter in my head, I’ve gotten to the point where I’m not interested in dating anymore broken people and I don’t think I will ever find someone who isn’t trying to get clear of this shit. Buddha and Jesus said be celebate if you can in order to aid in spiritual growth, and I’ve never been good at romance, so now I’m not fighting it anymore. Still going to fight for the money I need to get out of the old relationship but I think I’m still in the relationship until she remarries and I don’t think she ever will with me in this state. I guess this is my life’s learning opportunity.
Maybe I will figure this part of life out in the next life.