11/13/14 – 363 Days

At least today was productive with calls and getting some references lined up. I haven’t heard back from everyone, but I will follow up tomorrow with emails and then another set of calls. After that I guess I will be scouring the internet. I can’t believe I am at that point in my life at my age. As one of my old coworkers said she thought I would be here forever. Part of me thinks that I may end up out of state for all of this hell to retool my career. All of this pain and insanity to end up without my kids. That just doesn’t seem appropriate. Certainly not if there is a God.

I know I have talked a lot about wanting that, but my kids would be crushed without me and so would I having to watch them slowly degrade under her ever increasing stress to finally getting a nanny to raise them most of their lives. Hunter loves looking like a loving parent but the kids don’t feel it.

The house looks amazing for my daughters party this weekend. Everything is Star Wars themed so the stairs are made into light sabers as well as the candy and goody bags. All of the food is star wars themed, and Hunter had even pulled out the memosas for the brunch time party. That surprised me since she wouldn’t buy beer for last year and it was an afternoon BBQ.

But she saw it at another kids party and the parents loved it so she is doing it. Then again my daughter made me hug and kiss her for 10 straight minutes because she doesn’t get that from mom. That’s what she told me and my heart just breaks to hear it.

Last night I let my son play Minecraft PE on the iPad for a while. I don’t like wasting my time with him on screen time, but his friends at school play and mom won’t spend them couple of bucks for it for him. For me it’s a vehicle to let him connect with other kids normally. For Hunter it’s just a waste of money, and she makes $400k. What a sad emotional state to live in. I wish I could help.

Must be a sterile and lonely world. Then again it is Hunter’s mom’s world. Everything looks pretty, but there is no deep sense of joy. You can feel the residual anger inside her that she has never figured out from the time Hunters dad cheated on her.

I hope a job comes along soon enough that pays the bills, and better yet one that is close to the kids. I wonder what the charity event will be like tonight…

It sucked. Nothing but ex-Andersen and PwC people. I finally got tired of being introduced as Hunters husband or where is your wife that I started telling people. Of course one of the guys sat next to her during her affair and was trying to explain that he never saw anything. Finally walked away from him. I’m sure he was appreciative of it. Amazing how many people don’t like her.

Plus since it was a Christian not for profit I got an earful from a guy about how his wife and he split up for two years and finally reconciled.

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