11/19/14 – She Thinks I’m The One That Is Manipulative and Controlling

The first half of the day was worthless, but at least I got some stuff done this afternoon. The strangest part was having to call Hunter a number of times to figure out what she told the partner she was having lunch with about me. She finally called and left a message when I was taking the kids to dinner and she tells me that she didn’t bring the divorce up and doesn’t know what it would matter. She says she will have that conversation of I think it needs to be done but doesn’t think it’s something to discuss. Yeah holding to the keeping professional and personal life separate. How else does one cheat on your husband work coworkers if your not keeping communication between the two non-existent.

I got another call from another of my four but not a recruiter that was supposed to call me. At least tomorrow I will be in Orange County for a couple of meetings so I will get a lot of calls made again to follow up again and also got on the new partner. Then Friday will be sending out resumes to online opportunities.

I sent Hunter an email asking for 20 minutes after the kids are in bed to put a time line on the divorce. I want:

– Her to sign the docs starting the process before Thanksgiving.
– Get our revisions into the MSA v3.
– Get a meeting with our attorney near the end of December to determine supports for planning in 2015.
– Sign the MSA in January and have all the assets transferred by March.

It’s sad I’ve gotten to this point, but maybe I just need it to get this done before I can move on. She is never going to get help and she will never move forward with out my pushing. It’s been that way all year. And getting it done will be the only way for me to move on.

Even though my heart still wants her to get help and heal the family she makes to much money to do it and I just get angry and want revenge when I think to much about it. Being clear of this is the only way to make my healing process complete.

To help with this I started writing a list of reasons why it would be good for Hunter to be divorced of me. Most are lies, but trying to see a better life for her and the kids without me is the only way I can create an incentive to push forward. If you love someone set them free. I will see how the call goes tonight.

That went as well as expected. She gets angry and upset when I tell her what I want. She deflects and tells me it took this long because of me. I ask why she is getting what you want. Her typical response – your right I should be happy. So why are you miserable.

I go into being there to help her after its all over and she goes into its all her not me then starts in on what I am telling the kids. Then I tell her what I am actually saying and that I did tell my son that he wasnt allowed to tell her what happens over here since she yells at them and tells them they can’t tell me what happens here.

Then she goes into all I’m doing is calling her a bad person and bad mother and crying. I reiterate that all the kids and I want is a happy mom and a whole family. After she hangs up I email me saying the same thing.

At the end of the conversation (30 minutes in) she tells me she prays for a friend – a girlfriend to talk to and I tell her I could be that friend like I used to be. Then she tells me she doesn’t want to be my friend because she finds me controlling and manipulative. Projection at its finest. She uses me for over a decade and I’m controlling and manipulative and she wonders why she will never have a friend.

Maybe that is God’s revenge. I go broke and she never has what I have right now – friends who care about me.

At least it will be done sooner than she wanted.

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