I’m not quite sure what the fuck is in the air but I’m about to go crawl under a fucking rock for a few days. Last night my book club was cancelled and I didn’t get the message. Today I was stood up for coffee and her reason was she was driving to another coffee date (really the wrong thing to say). Now the women who watches my son after school calls me again and Hunter has messed up again.
Yesterday she forgot to set out his afternoon meds (again) and today she didn’t tell him he was seeing his MD. For a kid who needs constant routine and pre-planning for routine changes and meditation three times a day she seems to be missing a lot of things. Talking with my sister today and telling her Hunter is always late now but never used to be she relays the fact that my parents are always worried when they stop by in the morning to watch my son when there is not school because Hunter is always frazzled and running late.
I also noticed this weekend that she bought 8 bottles of wine for herself as well as the three bottles of champagne for the party. She also had two bottles open at the time. When I picked the kids up on Wednesday that made three open bottles, and nine unopened bottles in her house. Even if she gives a glass to her mom and step dad a couple of times this week that should cover the opened bottles. I used to be over there more often and monitored the drinking – mainly to see if she was having a guy over. Now I am worried she may start really drinking again which is why she is always tired, and late even when it’s not stressful at work.
Drinking, drugs, cutting, faking illness (chronic fatigue syndrome), inappropriate sexual behavior, body dismorphia, and unsafe driving, are all part of her repertoire, but most are not available to her anymore. Drinking and sex will be her new patterns since she can’t cut her thighs without it showing in a bathing suit.
I guess it’s not my concern if she goes down the drain. She chose it. I can’t fix her. I can only take care of myself first and finding a job down here is paramount for that. Once that part of my life is settled then I can help the kids and if Hunter stumbles take the kids into a safe place. I hope she gets her shit together before the kids are too fucked up.
We will see what tonight’s party is like. Tough enough to go alone and mingle but to bring my daughter will make it tougher…