12/18/14 – Always Looking For Negative Attention

Today was easy and productive. As I picked up the kids Hunter had put together a little care package of Christmas cookies she makes every year – the ones I really like. I had texted her to ask for Christmas gift bags and she brought over those as well. She is certainly being as nice as possible. With her it always makes me wonder why? Is it the guilt about my past job, or someone else, or a ploy to get me to bring my guard down, or trying to keep the divorce process going forward? I have no idea, but since her history with me is only use and abuse there is always something inside of me trying to figure out the why.

I really should just say thank you (which I always do) and move on with my life and not spend the energy on her why.

This afternoon I watched Oculus. For a new school paranormal suspense flick it was top notch. Great direction. Good suspense, and a monster amount of tension without unnecessary gore. The director really played the time sequencing to perfection. Right from the start your blood pressure and pulse are up and it really let’s the foot of the throttle.

Then I had to let my recruiter know I accepted the other opportunity. I also received two calls about how much they liked me from their partners. Hard to tell them what I need to tomorrow, but I needed a job down here and the timing was right with the other firm. I just hope I can stabilize the connections and try and work into the territory to drum up business or my life will be a very different reality next year.

At the end of a great night, my daughter hits my son right before leaving and my son goes on a rampage like I haven’t seen since this summer. Almost breaking the door. My daughter has gotten into hitting people when she doesn’t like the response. It’s something I’m sure she learned from her brother, but she is so into negative attention and that is exactly what she gets from Hunter, her brother, and me (trying to create safety) that it’s becoming her habit. Heaven help us when that negative behavior is fueled by teasing about her weight and her inattentiveness. She is going to be into drugs and inappropriate sexual behavior just like her mom was.

Texted hunter about trying to get more separation, but I think she really enjoys the time off from the kids. I’m not sure if it’s another guy or just the stress relief, but I know there is a lot of value in it. Funny, she showed up again tonight with a new top and her hair done up. I know there was some PTA meeting and kinder show at the school that she probably went to, but I haven’t seen her in not done hair in a while. Hopefully this nice play will continue and the firm I interviewed with early won’t be overly pissed at me. It had nothing to do with them just the circumstances. I hope God is leading down the right path.

Just finished texting Hunter about her ideas of getting more separation between the kids, and her typical response – there is only so many ways to try and we’ve tried them all (aka not going to think about it) and the it’s just them being kids (like son doesn’t have special challenges). Some days it really bothers me that she doesn’t want to get involved in steering the kids lives. That must be why all the teachers at daughters school don’t like her. I don’t know if they like me, but I know they don’t like her …

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