1/7/15 – Parking Lot Insanity

I think curb side drop off is in order. Just being in her presence brings a hate to me. Tonight when she is picking up the kids my daughters wants to give Hunter her artwork and I lose it. Screaming at her when the kids are in her car in the parking lot about the faked pregnancies (a couple on me and one on Chris) the fake suicides, using me for 11 years and not loving me, stealing my money, and not paying me for the house and being unwilling to move forward with the divorce once. She just stands there stoic telling me not to yell in front of the children. I tell her you say worse things in front of them.

She doesn’t care what she has done to me. She doesn’t care what she does to anyone. She is a vile toxic cunt who deserves death.

I text her so I can apologize to the kids, and text her I’m sorry. I also tell them that although mommy never apologizes for the mean things she says to me I shouldn’t act that way.

I then text her that if she wants this to be amicable she needs to apologize to me for what she says like a Christian should. No response. She never apologized for anything, and to this day she has never asked for forgiveness and most likely never will.

I talk to my dad before I text her and lose it crying about how she deserves to die and how she is ruining my kids and he calmly talks me down. He tells me he thinks I’m panicking over the new job. He is probably right.

I hope Ben has more concrete advice to offer me tomorrow on how to disconnect from her. I’m not going to survive if I keep this up.

Sent her a few more texts about her apologizing to me for the things she says and reneging on her promise to give me more time with the kids which started this whole thing. I should have know she would never do it.

Fear of being alone. Fear of being poor. Lie, cheat, steal, and manipulate to get what you want and she wonders why everyone hates her, she has no friends, and she has to open her thighs to make them. I need a new mantra that I’m finally free, but I will need to let go of the kids and walk away from all three of them.

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