Missed my networking event this morning. Not good. Got up around 2:30 and had a hard time going back to sleep. Wrestling with Saturday nights and a lifetime of never getting to live because Hunter has taken hostage of the children. I don’t want to leave them but how miserable do I have to get with my life and how much of this can I go through. I wish there was an easy way out.
Hunter sent the updates to the MSA out. Of course she includes my new employment information even though I told her I already sent it. If you lie to everyone you trust no one. She also asked if we could sign separately. Of course we can, but she wants to know. Hell I don’t want to be around her when I sign it. She will be a monstrous bitch and blame me. I don’t need that fucking drama.
Besides I am not sure I am cut out for this business anymore. I just want a nice simple job that pays ok and has a strong history of continued employment and then just go live my life. I don’t want to be having to sell shit all the time. I think I’m passed that stage of my life.
Maybe it’s the fact that there will be no second date. I felt it to, but why not just say it instead of blowing it off until “tomorrow” to see what works. She knows she will see me on Friday and that will be awkward for a little bit. At some point she will try and say something and I will be polite back. Then again on February 13?
Maybe it’s depression, but I do truly feel the need for a change of scene. A change of me. I will love and miss my kids, but I am not going to go bankrupt for Hunter because of this. If I don’t like my job I won’t be successful at it, but I could find a nice industry job and see how it goes. Who knows maybe there is something else going on that God will work through. What I do need is a nights sleep!