Happy St. Patrick’s Day! I’m sure Hunter will be making some Bon Appetit corned beef and cabbage for the kids. It’s actually a great version of the dish – very modern. All I can think about is she is Catholic, but not Irish. I’m part Irish albeit protestant. She is a psychotic cheating whore, and I’m the sucker trying to act according to my principles. Like the meme going around, your philosophy doesn’t make you a better person your actions do. Still I get upset some days – ok most days. Thankfully, I haven’t said or done a mean or disrespectful thing to her since January. The pain comes and goes. Mostly related to my job or the people I was dating.
I called it off with both of them. One wanted an immediate commitment, and the other isn’t ready for a real relationship. Now both of them keep texting me and wanting to spend time with me. I’m not sure how much nicer I can be, but as long as they both know that we are just friends from now on I think we can deal.
Interesting that Friday Hunter tells the psychiatrist that Son runs off at least once a week. Since last Sunday’s double run (once for catching him lying to grandpa and the second I think was just residual issues not cleared from the morning) I ask the doctor about upping the Abilify since he is on such a low dose. He says that with the extremely low dose and the ticks, upping the dosage could prove effective at reducing his running away and his eye ticks.
That’s when Hunter chimes in with “he runs away at least once a week.”
She never tells me these things. I know she told me about him hitting his new therapist last week, but I think that was just her way of reaching out for help. So either it is true, or she lied about him running away to get a higher dose. This is the hard part with someone who is a compulsive liar. Either its been happening and she has been hiding it because she doesn’t want me to use it against her to take the kids away, and is therefore keeping very serious health issues secret for nefarious reasons, or she is lying to the doctor to get him more drugged up so that it is easier to handle him. I guess I should only care that he may be getting more of the treatment he needs.
He is starting to notice that we are not a normal family. I’m not sure if he is emotionally ready to handle that we are different. His mom has serious emotional issues, and he has a unique neurological condition. He interprets this as we are treating him different. He knows he acts differently. He hasn’t been able to put the two together to understand that we treat him differently because he acts differently. That poor kid. I wish I could make this all go away, but I can only help him navigate his way through it. Then again, I’m not sure I do that too well, and won’t be able to do that as much as he needs it in the future. If I take the new job I will have less time with the kids. If I don’t, I jeopardize my long-term ability to provide for myself. This town ain’t cheap.
Hunter and his therapist talked yesterday, and its the usual, if he hits her again then he’s out. Amazing how most of his extreme aggression comes when he is with Hunter. I spent the entire first session with him and the therapist without issue. She goes once, and all hell breaks lose. We shall see how things go with this week.
Then again I emailed Hunter yesterday about whether she has upped the dose or not, and no response. The answer must be “no.” As usual, I’m sure with her birthday weekend she “didn’t have time.” She spent Friday night with the kids, Saturday with the kids, and Saturday night with her brother and his wife. All day Sunday with nothing to do and stopping by CVS is too much.
I know it’s petty, but she wanted the control. She wanted to keep the majority of the time so that she would be alone too long. She wanted Saturday nights off to date, and all day Sunday off to relax and have her own life. She did everything to her advantage because of our sons condition and fucked me one last time.
I keep telling myself I am free, but the kids anchor me to a place that is dangerous. Emotionally, financially, spiritually. I wish Hunter would have the ability to care about anyone but herself and actually help others. Such is not the case. If she did that she wouldn’t have cheated on me. She would not have faked pregnancies, or a suicide, or written Chris’s wife to rat him out while telling them that she had told me the truth and we were working it out. What a fucking psychopath and I such a sucker.
I wish there was a way to make her pay, but the only thing I can do is let it all go and move forward. Move forward with the new job. Move forward with the move later this year. And move forward with less time with the kids. I guess in the end it’s God’s job to take care of His children not mine. This is the path that is leading me forward, and I guess it’s time to take it. Hopefully, I can find an affordable place in Del Mar / Carmel Valley. I’m not hopeful about that….