I’ve become a lot more angry about the job, the housing, the apartment, and her overall lack of ability to monitor the calendar. Spending half of last Thursday covering my son for his parent/teacher week was frustrating since it was her screw up and she admitted it. Not a word of thanks. Then this weekend I ask multiple times for her to update the calendar, send me the address of our sons birthday party, and Sunday morning my son is worrying about us getting there since Hunter hasn’t sent me the address. We sit and wait in the living room for her to text me the address.
Seriously, she doesn’t send me an invitation, she doesn’t give me the address, she tries to play nice at the beginning, and then near the end of the party she is barely keeping her shit together. I’m not sure who she is mad at. Could be me with not helping as much as “she would want me to.” Could be my mom who won’t stop helping and getting in the way. Could be what Hunter said and daughter eating the peanut butter cups was too much for her. Whatever it is I see her checking out for a second inside, and there barely keeping herself from going completely off on the kids in the parking lot. Funny, it has been such a long time since I have seen her zone out. Not sure what was the driving force for it, but I know it’s not me. I have been nothing but nice, and helpful, and supportive. Even when she is a bitch about things and not being polite I don’t respond negatively. I shoot texts to my sister.
Even this morning, she texts me to talk to Connie about not picking son up in the afternoon. She has Connie’s phone number and communicates directly with her, so why use me this morning? Why not just do it herself and save the middleman. I told her I wasn’t going to be there already. Plus I had to text her to find out about his actual birthday. I’m sure she is pissed over that since I am guessing she planned to have that day all to herself.
My sister thought that it was her subconscious not wanting me there at any of the events which was why she never let me know. All I can do is assume she doesn’t like to be reminded of what she did, and her dad left the area after a while so her mom never had to deal with him a lot. Unfortunately, the shoe is on the other foot and Hunter does not seem to be coming to grip with her true nature. That or she has come to realize that I wasn’t the one who was the monster and she is hiding that reality away.
At the party I kept to myself at the beginning. I let Hunter talk with the mom’s and just talked with my family and her brother and his family. There was only one dad and he wasn’t around much. Not sure if he and the mom were divorced or not, but I don’t bother asking.
However, we had another had after walk afternoon yesterday. Son became restless and wouldn’t go anywhere. Then daughter started messing with him. Then Son brings up the “do you remember when mom called the cops on you?” shit again. That set me off that he is still bringing up false memories. So I go off on Hunter and how that’s not true, and how she is lying, and how she wants to keep them from me which is why she didn’t invite me to Son’s party or his actual birthday to open presents. How she took all the presents and kept them at her house and wasn’t going to let me be there when he opened them. How she just uses to me get my parents and I to help her out with watching the kids, and that is why they spend more weekend time with me than with her. How she gets every Saturday off and all day Sunday to play and party and just uses dad to babysit the kids.
I’m tired of this shit. She makes every person she has a relationship with miserable. I’m checked the cost of giving her the kids 80% of the time and maybe it’s worth it. She emailed me last night about Easter and asked if I wanted a couple of hours with them – which was nice. However, last year we agreed to do joint Easter like Christmas except the reason is that she has a nice yard for an Easter Egg Hunt and I don’t. With my sons issues he doesn’t do well in main stream public events without 1:1 supervision and she knows it. That just sets me off again.
We agree, she lies, and controls, and manipulates, and I’m tired of it. Maybe it is time to say goodbye to everyone and romance and just focus on my physical health, career, and mental health. She is going to get them anyways and the sooner we make it official the better it will be for everyone. She will make me miserable for as long as possible. She drove Patrick to Colorado, Chris to Seattle, and me to the grave. I can’t take it anymore. Maybe a hasty decision isn’t helpful, but after busy season it’s time to renegotiate. I know she will fucking hate it, and try and punish me even more, and there is nothing I can do to stop the child support payments except sue for spousal support to compensate for it. Who knows how well that would play out, but it would be painful enough for her if I get the affidavits from Seattle and Orange County into the public record that I should be able to effectively push off the war. The last thing she wants is the court records to include her affair, the faked pregnancy, and the email with the lies in it as well. That would seal her fate permanently, and her ego could not handle that.
Maybe that is why the kids told me last night that mom drinks a lot of wine now. Sad when a commercial makes the kids think of that. I notice that she goes through a lot, but when we were together she didn’t drink that much and never in front of the kids. Now its a free for all. I don’t know if I like that or not. I don’t drink in front of the kids at all. Most likely won’t ever unless it’s a special occasion. Even at Daughter’s birthday I didn’t drink and Hunter did. Now it’s going to get worse with no one to monitor the situation, and with less free time and more stress at work she will use it as a coping mechanism. Like loosing weight (which seems to be slowly getting less), and scratching her scalp, she will use it as a crutch.
So much frustration, pain, and suffering because she won’t get help. I can’t imagine trying to hold it together like she does. I certainly haven’t learned to do that. Maybe I should drink more coffee, plan more activities, and enjoy my free weekends more – even with the kids. We shall see. A little adventure at a time will probably be a good thing!