3/24/15 – Sone Five Guys Bday

Well I sent in the offer letter to the other firm. Funny it was emotionally harder than i wanted it to be. Maybe because I have been spending so much time around Hunter . I do seem to have a worse attitude the more I am around her. The kids like it though. I spent Sons 8th birthday with everyone – Five Guys then presents and the last of the cake at Grado. Hunter sat across from me on the table  and I didn’t order dinner. I sat sideways watching the kids. As usual she is trying to engage me in conversation. I’m sure so it’s not awkward, but I have a hard time looking her in the eyes knowing what she has done to me. At least I play nice and thank her and hang with the kids.

We even played out in the yard with Sons Minecraft torch he got as a present after everything. Hunter  really seems to like that stuff, and the kids really eat it up.

I miss having a house and backyard where we can just go do stuff. Things that will never happen for me anymore. It feels like they play out there but I’m guessing it’s structured if at all. I see the soccer ball out there, but there are more plants which Hunter does with the kids which is nice. Even the cats won’t leave me alone, but they don’t go near her.

So sad to see things go wrong there so much. As I was leaving Son pushed Daughter and he lost it. Then Hunter started losing it. Daughter got ice and I walked away. It must be like that all the time. She can barely handle the stress. I can see why she drinks so much.

I can’t imagine what she does with other people or where she would meet them. I stil wonder who the dude in the silver Mercedes’s was, but it could be in my head. With all her lies and ability to have so many separate lives it could be a guy she is fucking. I doubt she would ever be able to have a long term relationship with anyone. Not with her anger and selfish issues. It could only be with a guy who was using her for money. It’s not like she is nice. Then again most guys don’t care they just want to fuck and that’s what she things she used to be great at. Sexual narcissist as well as borderline and traditional borderline.

It still looks like she is losing weight. One day I will bring a scale again.

I’m trying to figure out when to tell her about the schedule for summer and new job. I don’t know how she will handle it.

I also don’t know what to say about work. Wtf are these people at My current firm? Seriously, super secret, crazy fucking emails and they have no sense of valuing tax knowledge. Plus the tax managers are a bit on the lazy side. It feels sad to be there all day with nothing to do. I can’t wait to get in a place where people want to make things happen.

I do know that being away from Hunter will help a lot. Maybe she will go for the three weekends a month (two 1:1, one with both). It’s a tough schedule for me, but at least it would be great for the kids. We shall see…

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