This weekend went off without a hitch. Mostly. Son did great in church even with the communion. That’s always an issue since he sees it as taking longer than necessary, but he hung in there. Later yesterday afternoon he lost a favored toy, and he only had a small meltdown, but came around to go to the park again. Later in the evening he got really upset over losing at Battleship. I so wanted to let him win but he knew it was my turn to sink his last ship and it would have been wrong to throw the game with him knowing it.
There was a big discussion about whether mom was at church Sunday morning. Daughter saw a 4Runner there and wanted to know if mom was there. I texted Hunter this morning to let her know and she blanked on whether she goes or not. I haven’t seen her collection of old programs filling up, so I am guessing she has found a new church with her new single & parent church group. That is probably the best. Even if she was going somewhere new she wouldn’t tell me or the kids unless forced. She likes to keep her secrets.
Like her telling my son the mascarade masks were for work. Not sure how that plays together, but it’s what she told him. I’m pretty sure she isn’t doing a gala for work where you make your own masks on a stick. They look like they are from a craft store. Who knows how she got them or why? I’m sure she will never let anyone know the truth. She likes her lies and secrets and wonders why God never blesses her. Maybe because she intentionally does not keep the basic requests from Him.
Last night was another 1.5 hour call with J. I can hear her conflict about me, God, and her past. For whatever reason I am hard for her to resist (or something like that). Sometimes she blames me, sometimes herself. In the end I think she just isn’t ready for a relationship. Too much pain from the past clouding her judgement currently. She so wants to keep me around though. So strange to hear her push for continuing as friends. I think in her mind it opens the door for more down the line.
I know with my heart I have never been able to do that. It’s either one or the other, but I’m trying to do the right thing now even if it’s hard. I left it to her to reach out when she wanted and that I would try and do my best to be friends. If it got too hard I would let her know and pull back. She is a good person, just messed up like all of us. At least she is trying to create something new within herself. We shall see how long she goes before reaching out. I sent her some more groups that I belong to so she can go and see her around in a larger group setting.
I think the “if we are going to be friends then we split the cost” threw her off. If we are just friends without any physical stuff than that’s the price. I’m not rich enough to sport the bills for my friends. Especially since I’m sure Hunter is already doing the calculations on support payments. Doubt she would drop them on me until we have an established routine in place for her to show the court.
In one of Hunters emails I see separate legal language at the bottom in a different font from the rest. That tells me she pulled it from somewhere else. At least she is now willing to try a new schedule that works for me. Funny she also sent me the pictures of the bowling that she and the kids did this weekend Saturday. Not sure why. She hasn’t don’t that in a long time.
I found it funny that she did all of this Saturday night after 10pm. As if she were out. Maybe she was. She had TGI Fridays coupons on the counter. Not a place she would ever go, but there is one over by the Outlets. Also strange that she would have the coupons. Like she would ever pay for a date. At least now with me orChris (the firm paid for it). Maybe she was shopping or meeting a date there. I still think if she were dating someone she would be overly combative like last summer (although she denies it) or like she was when she was fucking Chris. Throwing it in my face that she found my replacement. I just hope to be way out of her life when that dating life train wreck of hers goes down. At it eventually will. My poor kids will have to deal with it.
I will never understand her. At least she may finally leave me alone. All of the updates to the joint calendar came through this morning. Obviously she is lite at work. Whatever she was working on must be over. She isn’t very pleased with all of this, but she created this hell. I just want out.