I think it’s time to cut ties with J. I like her. She is a good person, but I’m not in a place anymore to give needlessly. I’m not going to learn anything from this constant nagging feeling about her. Each text or call is another hope for gsomething that isn’t going to happen. A little space is what I need from all my toxic relationships. Or at least those relationships that have become toxic.
Last night at book club S was actually nice to me. I’m guessing because I opened a bottle of wine without asking – and I showed up which he desperately wanted. Always strange to listen to him go on about wonderful metaphysical growth when you know it’s just a bullshit story to make himself look impressive. He talks about never gossiping or saying anything bad about others in the group, but when he first gets there he is bitching about work and I thought his ex-wife (again). I walked away since I’m not a fan of all that negative chatter.
Anyways, being depressed and wanting things that and dangled in front of you for the other persons benefit (J) are not what I’m interested in anymore. Cut ties of things that are not uplifting and focus on future growth and current gratitude. What else should I do?
No party tonight. My son is sick and needs a little TLC. Funny he usually loves going to my parents, but when your not feeling well and mom didn’t even think about it until I was picking them up I’m sure he didn’t get the love he needed from Hunter. Besides Hunter only really wanted a daughter. All us boys are just tools to use. Then again so is our daughter now for Hunter. Take then to the park, feed them and dump them on dad.
She didn’t even hug her goodbye again. Not sure why that is such an issue with me. It used to be such a big production last year – hugs, tears, fights – but now nothing. Just make sure they have the packed bags and out the door. She must be in desperate need to get out or go out. Who knows the truth anymore. At least I know what the future is going to hold for her soon.
I saw another Yoga video by the tv again. This one is specifically geared towards weight loss. As if she needs to lose anymore weight. On this trajectory she is only going to get sick with more weight loss. At least I figured out why she keeps buying new clothes. XXS – smaller bras – she doesn’t fit in her old clothes anymore. She needs a much smaller size now. Just another Bordeline issue that I will have to deal with in 5 years. I will worry about it then. If it does go down that way at least she will have one hell of a trust fund for the kids.