5/26/15 – Her Need To Connect 

Hunter must be feeling needy today. Yesterday’s text were short, but she was at the airport our getting on the plane. I wasn’t sure. I was trying to time it shui she would be in the air already, and see it when she came back down. It was just to let her know that our son was doing great on the new increase in Abilify.  Our daughter on the other hand was really in desperate need of attention. And from my perspective, discipline. 

Based on what my son says Hunter doesn’t give her the boundaries that a four year-old needs. Much less enough time outs to help her understand things. She had gotten one really bad mouth on her from our son, Hunter, and I’m sure myself. Although I don’t ever really hear many words ofcome out  her mouth anymore. 

Hunter texted back taking me to tell him she is proud him, then some offhand text about the cats being out of control when she gets home. I text her that we fed and visited the cats each day like I said we would. After all they were my cats. Nothing after that from Hunter yesterday.

This morning she texts me thanks for taking care of the cats and bringing in the trash cans for her. “Appreciate it.” That second line gets me. She came type the word  “I” in front of it. She can for our kids, but not in gratitude for me.

The only thing I can think of for the text was her need to connect. Last night she was all by herself and I’m guessing her work doesn’t feed that part of her soul, so she reached out to me. She could have done it yesterday when she saw that I had done it. She could have done it when she got up this morning or when she got to work, but she waited until she had some time at work. 

Probably realized that everyone was ʝυѕт being nice about asking her how her trip was. Probably not a whole lot of authenticity in their interest. I know she has a lot of issues with subordinates unless she is fucking them, then the issues arise after the affair is over. I know that’s petty. Just also a bit true.

The only other explanation is she is trying to make nice for Thursday with Jessie, or she was talking shit to Jessie this morning and is trying to control the perception of things. Either way it obviously gets into my head. It also points out I need a lot of space from her. 

When she has fun opportunities she doesn’t tell me about them until afterwards. Only when things go wrong will she tell me immediately. I’m still her go-to person for emotional stability. I can’t be that person anymore. I just wish there was a way to help the kids out of this hell, but there isn’t anymore.

My daughter was crying last night over having to go back to her mom’s. Took me ten minutes to talk to her about being ok with loving and missing her mom before she settled down. On Friday she wanted mom, but Monday she doesn’t want to leave. Part of that is daughter’s ability to read people and say what they want, part of it is just being four. Either way I’m glad I handle it appropriately without negative comments or issues. Just love and compassion.

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