8/2/15 – Mom Doesn’t Love Me

So Friday and Saturday were good and bad. It took several texts to get Hunter to respond to the Jerry issue. She told me they were not dating so there is no issue. Just like Chris. I’m not sure if she is telling the truth or lying, but I wish she would be mature enough to at least handle the subject. My son is not like neurologically typical children and needs more structure for the feeling of security.

Then again, this weekend when he was looking for hugs and attention from me I asked him why he wanted to the hugs since it is unusual. He didn’t answer. I asked him if he felt loved. He told me he knew that I loved him, so I asked him again does he “feel” loved? He said sort of. How’s that?

– I feel you love me, but I don’t think mom loves me.

That’s right. My 8 year-old Asperger son doesn’t think his mom loves him.

I asked him why, and he said that she only hugs me when I ask, and only plays with me when I ask, and never asks what I want to do, but just orders us around.

I ask my daughter, but I know she is just telling me “no” because she thinks that is what I want to hear.

I tell them that some people have a harder time showing love than others, and that your mom isn’t that good at it, but I am sure she loves both of you on some level.

I don’t think that helped much, but I told them I would give mom the Sea World and Safari Animal Park tickets for their week vacation with mom. That seemed to make them a little happy.

It is hard knowing that I am sending them off to someone that really does not love them in a traditional sense of the word. Especially my son, who I know she doesn’t love since she does not love any man who does not make it to her godlike fantasy level of Adonis.

It has been bugging me a lot lately. Especially since I am supposed to go out with another women, who seems great but how do I bring in a third party into this madness. I don’t know if I can right now. At least I worked out, and made it to church today even though I really didn’t feel like it. Better to go and not believe, then not go at all.

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