8/8/16 – She Got A Safe

She obviously found out I took some of my stuff. She cleaned out my drawer and through away my condoms. Obviously she wasn’t using them otherwise why throw them away. She also moved the notes and bought a safe to keep everything in. Funny to see how crazy she gets going back and forth between needing me on the flights and then being pissed off and lying about me to others. She has some serious work to do.

Then again so do I. How do I heal and move forward constantly on egg shells around this nut job? How do I move into the future that God has for me when I’m constantly being stuck in the past with Hunter or J or even A who I can’t stand right now. Just another woman who can’t stand that I’m not still with her. At what point in time will things normalize for me?

Funny Hunter doesn’t even acknowledge texts that aren’t about the kids, but will wear a new push-up bra on Saturday so I would notice. Maybe it’s for some other guy. Maybe she is just desperate to escape her reality and I’m a constant nuisance. Maybe I focus on her positively like I have for a decade and she goes back and forth between hating me and needing me. Notice there isn’t a word about love in there. She hasn’t loved me in a long time, and she probably will always equate love with feeling and sacrifice. That’s why she will be in love a hundred times and never get the love she desires the rest of her life. Such a sorry place to be. I just hope I don’t end up that way.

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