My daughter told me that Heidi is dating a guy in her church group – Chris. Funny how I called it at the very beginning of it in December. 

Amazingly enough my daughter told me that she thinks mom wants to marry him. Less than two months and Heidi is already looking to remarry. I find that to be sad. She must be really lonely. 

I know she hooked up with a few guys on match and it didn’t work out. They dumped her. But to jump into a full time relationship with a guy who makes little money, no education, and likes to jog and ride street bicycles (both of which she hates), seems like a leap. She must be really lonely. 

My daughter hates him. 

It doesn’t help to hear that Heidi is still locking my daughter in her room, yelling and screaming at both of them, and throwing away my daughters toys and favorite movie. Now I’m unemployed and have to buy a princess movie because Heidi threw Princess and the Frog away. And the school wonders why she is having such difficulties at school. My heart breaks for this little girl, but there isn’t much I can do until God does His work inside me or in the real world. 

I’m just trying to keep my shit together for a new job. Not easy giving food to the homeless yesterday and wondering if that is my future. I don’t have the health for it right now. Bad right hip. Bad left leg from the fallen arch. 

Still need to keep positive, and pushing forward. 

I’m truly wondering if God has broken everything of my old life to give me the freedom to start a new one. 

I used to want to be a counselor. Was even admitted into a program in Carlsbad after my son’s diagnosis. Heidi wouldn’t let me go at night. Someone had to take care of the kids. 

My son now hears Heidi and Chris talking and laughing after church group. I’m sure they are having sex on Tuesday’s and evey other weekend. It’s not like her to no use her body to control a guy. A lot like Joy. 

I just need to keep apply for jobs and start informational interviews for either seminary or counseling. Either would give me a little more peace, although not financially successful. 

I guess there is a value for living a more authentic life than money. Just need to figure out what is best for me and move forward accordingly.  

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