The small group at Saddleback didn’t work out. I had to reach out because he didn’t respond to the email. He responded to me with a half sentence. Not sure I like the mindset of people who are that way. There seems to be a lack of manners in San Diego.

Trying to figure out whether to stay here or not. I could sell the house and move to Orange County and get plugged in again. At least there I would have friends and the potential to build up a practice while I go to Biola online.

I really am having a hard time trying to figure things out. My sister told me to move to Orange County. She thinks it is the only way to get my life together away from Heidi. It wouldn’t change the kids that much. I would still see them the same weekends and weeks. It would just be a longer drive for them. Then again I still don’t have a job there and probably wouldn’t have one the rest of my life. Always living hand to mouth and struggling. My ex living the high life on the career she built using me for a decade. Once she started making more money I was out.

I don’t see or feel God anymore. It’s like He got me on the road and walked away. It would be nice for some guidance and revelation. It would be helpful to feel like I knew where I was going. I know I don’t like a lot of the people in San Diego that I have met. There is a real lack of social norms here. That’s not the way things work in Orange County. There is a lot more respect and niceties there. I may still go broke there as well. At least I would have some friends as I go broke.

Just not sure what to do. My hearts wants Orange County. My kids are in San Diego.

Maybe it’s time to walk away from San Diego and see what the world has in store for me in Orange County.

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