My ex won’t leave me alone. I get texts or emails from her everyday. There seems to be no way to get away from her abuse and nothing in San Diego seems to be working out. The Singles group at church will only allow people in small groups (about 30) to meet three times a year. That’s what happens when you let people who have been married forever run things. They do not care about single people. They see the world through there own married lens.

As school gets closer I feel less drawn to it. I didn’t get the scholarship I wanted. I didn’t get much of anything from them since I have some assets. I really just want to slit my wrists and let everything go away. I would prefer if my ex did it so that my kids and I could live a less abused life, but Heidi continues to destroy all of God’s blessings.

The only other dream I have is to travel for a couple of years. My therapist Ben suggested it when he was still working. Get away for a couple of years to heal, otherwise she will continue to abuse you. It’s her habit and now it falls on the children.

I can’t seem to stop anything from sliding into the abyss.

I don’t want to be in San Diego anymore. I just don’t have a job anywhere else. Maybe I should just take the dive and leave or die. Not sure which is better.

Everyone who lies about their faith has everything. Boyfriends, girlfriends, jobs, money, friends. I have nothing left in this town. Not sure I have anything left in me to try anymore. That bitch Heidi Wagner of Qualcomm destroys everything she touches, including my marriage, my family, my children, and me. She thinks she made something of herself, but she knowingly used me for a decade to take care of the kids and earn more money than her so she could work on her career. Now my life is over and she has everything.

Nothing in this world seems fair anymore. I just want to crawl into a hole and die. God never takes me home. I wish He would, or at least Heidi. It would great if he wiped the evil off the face of the earth but it never happens.

One thought on “8/29/17 – I’m Getting Suicidal

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