Yeah I know I wish it wasn’t true. I can’t help myself sometimes with my mentally ill ex wife lies and makes shit up about me to keep her hell from being reality. I know the truth since it is documented here, and unlike her I know what truth is.

As a Borderline she has no ability to be honest with herself or anyone else. It’s a constant battle to keep the lies getting bigger and bigger so that she can blame someone else for her shit. In the end it is eating her up inside. I know it’s got to suck to know you abuse your children and hate yourself so much that you actually pay someone to have sex with you since a decent man won’t.

Today at church was about mental illness. With all the shit that she and Joy Houle (who also cheated on me and faked a pregnancy on me – histrionic) have put me through I’m surprised I’m still here. I do think about checking out sometimes, but that would fuck up my daughter. She would eventually do the same.

This Saturday and Sunday all she did was talk about taking all her toys and living with me. She so wants out of that life. She told me she prays to God for a better life, and since she isn’t getting it she isn’t sure there is a God. I know how she feels sometimes.

All these evil people who say they are Christian but do no act in anyway like one always prosper. The rest of us suffer for our Lord. Then again Jesus said we would suffer like He and His apostles did.

There is a point in time where you would like to see things unwind for people. It would be wonderful if Heidi passed away soon. It would be heaven for my daughter. I know God hates that murderous heart thing (Proverbs 6). Still there is a time where evil should be wiped off the map right?

My life has gone to hell because of her, and she thinks she made something of herself. What happened to she was only staying with me for kids and I made more money and as soon as she started making more money she through me away? Hell she liked her crappy Z4 more than me.

At some point in time there has to be a day of reckoning. God’s promises have to come through at some point in time right?

Maybe I’m the problem? If I can’t forgive and let go how will I heal and become what I should be and not what she did to me. It’s gonna be a while for that. Hopefully, God helps with it!

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