I’m sitting here reading for school and all I can think about is all the people I know who say they are Christian getting everything and I’m stuck here with nothing. There seems to be a misstep in my life where I fell off the bus and it kept going. Why do good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people?
I know there is a reason for these things, and it’s usually our mistakes. You can’t wish justice on things, and all I’m interested is vengeance.
I keep thinking of dropping out of school and wondering around the planet for a while. It would be great to see the world again. To travel. To see new things and meet new people. It would be nice to have friends again that could help me and support me. I don’t have that system down in San Diego and Heidi took my church and church group because she is a woman.
There seems to be a lot of sexism in the world. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but my confusion grows more everyday. I get more depressed and constantly feel like slitting my wrists when I’m at home. I’m starting to feel like Heidi or Joy or Gina and needing to be around people all the time. Anything to get away from my thoughts. I’m getting desperate and I don’t know what to do about it.
Nothing in San Diego seems to be working out. My sister told me to move otherwise I would never get my life back on track. She is probably right. Maybe it is time to move on.