Heidi served me today over custody. She wants all the good weekends and have me babysit for her. I feel bad for the kids. I won’t be at the birthday parties, or be able to protect them anymore. My son does not seem to be able to tell his teachers or CPS the truth, and my daughter has to watch the violence.

I really don’t know what to do.

She has the money and leaving the kids in the disaster is not going to be easy to watch. She destroys everything she touches without remorse. I know she doesn’t like herself, but she cannot control herself. I only pray the God watches over them when I can’t be with them.

I guess it is that season in life where I watch my kids fade into the background. I don’t have the war chest to fight the battle. Soon the kids will be a memory and Heidi will destroy everything beautiful inside them. I can only pray the God intervenes somehow and frees my children from this nightmare.

The sad part is there will be a time when my daughter wants to live with me and she won’t be able to testify for a while. The courts will not listen to at this age even with testimony from her psychologist.

Another beat down by my ex. In the end she will regret all of these things. She cannot run from her guilt. Eventually she will put my son in an institution and my daughter will see what her mom does to people she doesn’t like.

I pray God will find a way to give me my daughter one day.

I guess this is God’s way of helping me with forgiveness and letting go. Maybe that is what moving away is all about? I guess saving me for His purpose is better then serving the world.

6 thoughts on “10/11/17 – Served

  1. I don’t know your story, but I still want to say, fight for them. Whatever you can do. It may not be all you want to do but if you do something, anything, it will show your kids you care. Giving up, like it sounds like you’re doing, will contribute to the harm.

    Having to live with an abuser, your kids will need an “Enlightened Witness” to keep some semblance of sanity. You can be that. Check out Alice Miller to find out more about what an Enlightened Witness is, but I can tell that a big part of it is to validate the kids when they tell you what is going on.

    I know this is touchy because there is a thin line between this and talking crap about her. Obviously you don’t want to do that. They will be needing validation and acknowledgement so they don’t form self-doubt around what they are feeling.

    Let them know it matters to you. Find out more about this by researching how to be there for them emotionally without bad mouthing their mother.

    God will and can only do so much. Don’t give up.


  2. I am truly sorry for you difficulties. I can’t imagine. God will have His way with your ex- wife. She seems like she is blinded by her sins. God will make her notice what she is doing. In His time. Be strong! I think your ex-wife took the title of “crazy” from my husband. She sounds like a narcissist. Praying for you!

    Liked by 1 person

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