The home inspection was waived, the termite inspection passed with flying colors, and deposit is in escrow and I’m wondering where I’m going to live temporarily until I find a place? Two condos snatched from my fingers, and I’m thinking is God doing this or my real estate agent? I’m not sure yet.

The ones today and more expensive, and all have three rooms. One for each of the kids and myself. I know it’s less time I have to live off of my savings. Worst case scenario is I find a job someone or maybe God will provide some new clients in Orange County. I will certainly need them for a while. Without them I will go broke faster than necessary. If that happens I will be the most educated bum on the streets.

Part of me also wonders what will happen with Heidi. I know I will see her Friday at my son’s parent-teacher conference. The teacher invited me and she doesn’t know I’m coming. I’m sure she will blow a head gasket for me being there. It’s her narcissism that comes about when she doesn’t get what she wants. It’s always been her way to abuse everyone into submission – even if she has to lie to do it.

Part of me also wonders if she will fake a pregnancy on Chris to get him to marry her. I know she has done that with Don and myself. She told me she did it with Patrick as well. It’s a habit that I don’t think she can break. If he does move in then I will have an opportunity to move my daughter to Orange County with me. She hates him with a passion. Both my kids know they are smarter then him. Sad he must be mid forties and my kids are 10 and 6. And he knits, can’t make rent all the time, and uses my ex-wife for money since he can’t afford anything himself. And Heidi wonders why he won’t marry her. He gets all the sex and she pays for all the dates so he gets everything without all of the tantrums from my kids. What a life?

Although using people can be very self destructive. People never see how guilt comes out sideways. It never comes out in front of you. It hides in the recesses of your mind and comes out in ways that we least expect. I see it all the time in divorces, and other who have gone through a lot of trauma – self created or by others. It takes a while to see how badly your life has been destroyed so that you can see a path to healing and freedom. It’s not always an easy adventure, but in the end it is worth it.

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