12/12/17 – Trying To Figure It Out

I have been wrestling with what to do next. I don’t have a lot of options at this point in my life. Moving back to Orange County wasn’t in the plan, but I’m stuck here now. Not sure how to handle things anymore.

Saddleback doesn’t want me. Heidi only used me to take care of the kids while she worked on her career and then threw me away. My parents were never really involved in my life, and all I see in the future is starving to death on the streets. I don’t think that is what my Father wants, but I don’t see much light anymore.

I must be missing something. Getting my business stolen, my career dismantled and all in left with is a little bit of cash. I don’t even get the proper amount of child support, and Heidi is trying to buy my children’s love at Christmas. My daughter told me that she was buying them a lot of toys.

The kids won’t be mine much longer unless there is an intervention soon. I don’t see that coming anytime in the near future. My son may hate his mom, but with enough time between abuse and with enough presents I won’t be part of their lives much longer. My daughter is already changing her tune on Heidi. She wants to live in that house forever, and enjoys the toys she will be getting at Christmas.

Sad to see how quickly fathers deteriorate in this world. I was once a father of two. Soon I won’t be a father of anyone. I don’t know to handle this change. I didn’t create it, but I have to endure it.

I just hope I get a chance to see things renewed one day. Evil exists in this world, but in the end they don’t get to win.

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