I have a lot of things to consider this year. With Heidi’s anorexia in full swing I need to think about the kids and how to extract them from her. She is only using them for money. My son can’t stand her and wants to live with me. My daughter understands how important it is to have love in your life while you are young. Heidi shows the kids only grief and drama.

She tells the kids she is spending all this money on her boyfriend who is only using her for money and sex. They know what’s going on! They feel alone and aloof in a world where there should be love and affection. If I have to take them back and give them a place to live I will have to find work somewhere. I can’t stay in school and make it all fit.

The needs of the kids are hard with everything else going on. The kids hate being with mom right now. They know she only cares about money and Chris. She does not really love them, and I am sure that Joy, Heidi, and Amanda all had the same upheaval in their lives. This is why they all have the same mental illness expressed in different forms. A complete self loathing. I saw Joy a couple of days ago jogging in my town. I’m sure she is back with her married boyfriend.

I always find it so fascinating that 3040 does nothing to stop the adultery. What happened to The Law and a moral high ground? All they care about is having nothing to do on a weekend. They don’t actually practice their religion. They only preach it on others, but never apply it to themselves. Hypocrites…

In the end I will need to come up with some cash to go to war. She still isn’t giving me the money for the dresser or my stuff back. I’m guessing it’s just a self loathing issue that makes me part of a relationship that isn’t there.

For Heidi it keeps me connected to her in a very unhealthy way. I really do believe she wants to die. Her inability to see the harm she is doing to the kids or herself is outstanding. I’ve never seen someone so lost in this world and never in the right. It must be sad to be her. She must have no compassion for herself or anyone else.

Just control which will one day fade away as my son gets bigger and she is unable to handle him anymore.

HopefullyI can remove them from this nightmare before she dies this year. I’m sure that is all part of her plan. How quickly can she force herself off this earth?

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