I was planning on going to the Orange County Brewer’s Guild Invitational Tonight, but my son forgot his meds on the way down. He felt bad, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. With kids on the Spectrum, meds are life and without them, it can be dangerous. They spend most of their life in their heads instead of in the real world.

I keep thinking that I need to find a girl who can love my kids, but I doubt I will find anyone like that anymore. No one wants to deal with issues for step-kids. Maybe I am meant to be alone all my life.

I haven’t chosen the right spouse or the right friends in San Diego. Maybe it’s time to move on to another state and see what I can make out of my life? I know my kids would hate me as well as Heidi who would have them full time. Their goes her boyfriend…

Then again she is the one making my ability to find a job difficult. I know of no other people but Cluster B’s who deserve death so much, but they will not die. Joy keeps making my life miserable in 3040, and Heidi keeps destroying my financial life.

Maybe it’s time to eat a bullet and see what is available in the next life?

Then again suicides don’t go to heaven so that would guarantee me in hell. Trading one bad life for a worse one. Heidi and Joy deserve their fates, but I don’t. I’m the victim right now. At least those Cluster B’s getting help are at least acknowledging their need for help. For them I’m grateful.

I hope God has a plan other than me starving to death. Right now I don’t feel it.

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