I can’t seem to find work of any value. I can’t find any happiness in this hell again. This is what happens when you marry and have kids with a Borderline.
The problem is my daughter is lying to her therapist for the sake of her mom. Her therapist doesn’t know of the abuse (choking and locking in their rooms), the theft of money or toys, or throwing away the toys. My daughter is just pretending that her mom is normal when there is no normal in a house with a Borderline.
The worst part is my daughter hung up on me last night for telling her that lying to her therapist is wrong. She doesn’t understand the truth. That is the biggest issue. My daughter has no idea how bad she has it. If I could just get her to live with me for a while she would understand what normality looks like. However, she doesn’t want to leave the big house and the cats and the drama. It is inside her now.
Nothing but drama in that house now.
Once I sell the condo I’m thinking of moving to Austin. It’s a smaller town and a smaller cost of living for me. I could sustain for a while and build up a practice or work in a bar/restaurant and still maintain a lifestyle that I could enjoy. I would prefer that my daughter lives with me, but I don’t think she would want to move.
That’s the hardest part. The kids don’t know what a normal life looks like. I wish I could get them into a space of normal, but my daughter doesn’t want it. There is nothing I can do about that now.
It’s over for the both of them. I can’t change them now. It’s over for them and I have failed as a father. The only way to find sanity is to move away. It’s what my therapist said during the divorce, but I chose to stay. That was a mistake and now I am paying for it with a vengeance.